A hit to the soul

You’ve known him for years,

And you’ve gone through so many nights of tears.

You’ve thought about leaving more than once,

But never managed the thought of being gone.

For some reason you think that the last time would be the last,

And in your mind you think it’s all in the past.

He hurt you badly last time,

But you blame yourself for not being sufficiently nice.

In a corner you cry,

Waiting for the next big fight.

You wonder if you’re going to die,

You really just want to fly.

You tell yourself that you will be fine,

And that the last time was the last time.

But you can’t stare at the door too long,

And to distract yourself you start singing a song.

But you remember he doesn’t like when you sing,

And so you shut your mouth quickly and forget blink.

You’re hands are shaking,

As dinner you are making.

His favorite dinner you are preparing,

You’re wondering if things will start changing.

You convince yourself that changes he is making,

And that it’s not all just him faking.

And you hear his footsteps through the door,

Your hearing has become extra sensitive since the time he accidentally pushed you to the floor.

You hear him approaching the kitchen,

And you start moving around like a chicken.

Your eyes start tearing,

And your hands start shaking tremendously.

You drop the pan to the floor,

And you wonder if he will push you out the door.

You burned your hand,

But it isn’t the reason for your tearing.

The pain in your heart is overpowering,

And hysterically you do not stop crying.

You put your burned hand in your mouth,

And beg yourself to please shut up,

He hates it when you cry,

He’s going to get mad.

You know what happens when he gets mad,

And you drop to the floor flat.

Anger you can feel coming in the room,

And to make you feel better you start thinking about the moon.

He raises his hands and dances with you towards the kitchen table,

But you know that of worse turns than this he is capable.

He dances with your body practicing new moves with his fists,

And tears you can’t resist.

You say that he has changed,

And that this dance you deserved.

Pain you feel on your neck,

But you know you deserved the peck.

The dinner was bad and that’s why he got mad,

And to the floor to cry you just fall flat.

Lovingly he grabs onto your neck and whispers in your ear,

How this is all your fault and how you should not fear.

But you don’t back out,

You still are waiting for change and change never comes.

You just stay in your room,

And to make you feel better you keep thinking of the moon.

Your heart hurts and your eyes have not stopped crying,

But you say that he’s hit you again without trying.

Over and over again you go through the events that caused you pain,

And everyday you doubt if you’re still sane.

You shake every single day wondering what excuse he’s going to make,

You just want to run away.

But you think things are going to change,

And again you doubt if you’re still sane.

You crumble into a small ball in your carpet floor,

Just wishing for him not to open the door.

You wonder if he could see you from where he was standing,

And again without further notice his fists in your face are landing.

That was his last beating,

You knew he would never touch you again.

You tell yourself that you are fine,

But your head is more than dizzy this time.

This time your silent screams are heard,

And your neighbors start getting concerned.

They have not seen you in days,

But somehow the bills are still being paid.

He leaves you in the corner,

And you wonder if it’s finally over.

You feel nothing anymore,

But your body is not responding.

You tell your muscles to work,

But this time there’s nothing you can do.

You wonder if someone will find you before its too late,

And you wonder why there is light if it’s not day.

You never spoke up,

You kept your mouth shut.

And today others are doing the same,

Wondering if they are still sane.

They all know what happens when he gets mad,

And they drop to the floor knowing what will happen.

The can feel the same anger coming in the room,

And to make them feel better they start thinking of the moon.

They look at the moon as if it was their last hope of light,

And they forget to put up a fight.

Then it becomes too late,

All because they believed he was part of their fate.

There is never, EVER an excuse for a man to lay hands on a woman. There are millions of women who are being abused of everyday. If you know of anyone who is being abused in any way, speak up; you never know if you are saving someone's life by doing so.

Loving the thought of love

With my eyes I see who I want to see,

This is too perfect not to come with some kind of fee.

He’s sweet and he’s nice,

Different than what you usually can find.

It seems too perfect to be true,

And you start to be unsure.

Signs of a different person appear with time,

But you still convince yourself that everything is going to be just fine.

A transformation occurs in front of your eyes,

But you tell yourself its all lies.

And suddenly his attitude changes,

But no, you still think your hallucinating.

You still want to believe that he’s who you thought he was,

And then you just get hurt when you see he’s not,

You blame yourself for his transformation,

As if you did not have the whole pack of information.

You know he lied to you,

And dumb you feel for falling.

He was never who you thought you saw,

And this completely different image of him I can draw.

You’re already in love,

And you forget to use your brain and think with your heart.

That’s your mistake.

Cuz your heart thinks not of wrong choices you are about to make.

So, you cry

And you beg to see change.

But nothing changes,

And you’re just left with a broken heart.

It was all a lie,

And you try to just feel better by eating pie.

But nothing seems to work,

He’s already a jerk.

He fills you with promises of change,

But you can’t seem to stay.

Your heart is too hurt,

So, you just move away.

Today you’re still the reason why it was over,

And from all the stares you must take cover.

But you know the right thing you have done,

Since if I had to choose to be with that again, I’d prefer to be all alone.

Sometimes you think you know someone, people that have been years in your life at times, and with one single decision they prove you wrong. It’s just terrifying the fact that sometimes we see people how we want to see them and not how they really are. There are millions of people who happen to be double faced and lack personality. These are the scary people in the bunch.

They transform and adapt to what you want or need of them, sometimes becoming our best friends since they are able to agree with our opinions and seem to understand us the best. At times, we just can’t really see beyond what we want to see because we already have become so close to this person.

But eventually true colors shine, and their lack of personality starts to make them vulnerable to being influenced easily sometimes by the worst of things. Think twice before choosing the people who form an important part and make sure that they are authentically who they say they are. Never trust too fast, you will regret it later. 

I am here

I cant promise you happiness,
since I have no control over the uncertainties of life.
I cant promise you that everything is going to be okay,
because I can't promise things I am not certain of.
I cant promise you that life will be easy from this point on,
because I'd be lying.
I can't promise that I will always be there,
since there are unexpected things that can happen that I cant control.
I cant promise that things will be better,
because I cannot promise what I don't know.
I cant promise that people wont let you down,
simply because I never know true intentions.

There are things that I can't promise, and that I could say to make you feel better but I won't because I don't like lying.
But there are things that I can promise.

I cant promise you happiness,
But I promise to work on my best to keep a smile on your face.
I cant promise you everything is going to be okay,
But I can promise you that here I will stay.
I cant promise that life will be easy from this point on,
But I can promise that this is a battle you have won.
I can't promise you that I will always be there,
But I can promise to try.
I cant promise that things will be better,
But I can promise to be by your side and hold your hand.
I cant promise you that people won't let you down,
But I can promise that I'll do my best not to.


When your world is falling apart, and all you feel like giving up...
I am here.
I cannot take away the open scars left by past wounds,
But I am here to clean them up and take care of them until they heal.

You don't need to carry everything alone.
I am here.

A wishing star

When at night we look at the sky,
We wonder how and why?
As if the sky were to answer us back, we cry.

Tears of confusion draw lines in our face,
They come down as if they were on a race,
You just wish you could go at your own pace.

We hold our hands to pray,
And we just wish for a new day,
We just want the pain to go away.

Our hearts beat faster than they ever had,
We just feel really sad,
And we remember we're mad!

Our stomachs hurt from betrayal,
And our hearts start to fail,
our faces look pail.

We look at the sky once again,
As if the stars were going to explain,
We look above trying to complain.

But we stare without moving,
As if things by themselves were to start improving,
And then we feel like everyone is disapproving.

You can hear our heartbeat's sound,
We still feel like we're gonna breakdown,
And it makes us look like clowns.

Once more we wish on a wishing star,
And we sing for honesty with our guitar,
But those wishes seem so far.

But wishes on the star never come true,
And dates are still going to be due,
So you better start putting things together with your own glue.

One thousand friends

You want to be surrounded by people to feel like you are being loved, but we fall into this stereotype where in order to show the world that we are the happiest we need to be surrounded by the most people. We then forget that not everyone thinks in the same way and that not everyone has the best of intentions. Sometimes we know, but we do not want to believe it because in our minds it is what its asked from us in order to fit in. We want to fit in and stand out at the same time, as if having the greater amount of people around you meant anything.

We then surround ourselves with people who are so much more different than us, to show the world that we are so much more special because we happen to be surrounded with the most people. As if people actually cared about that... People are selfish, and people who just want to show the world how great they are, usually the most selfish. Hanging around people like this make us weak, we fall into the trend of the "cool" and forget about the people who truly matter to us.

The one funny thing is that those who are surrounded my the most amount people are usually the most lonely. It is ironic in fact that the ones who want to show off how loved they are are those who don't get love at all. They try to please everyone, failing at it. Having so many different friends creates all types of confusion because they cannot possibly keep true to who they are with every single one of them. And we end up forgetting about who we truly are in order to please everyone else.

A choice...

Having a thousand friends can never replace having a real friend.
Because out of those thousand friends...

There will probably not be one that you can really count on. And what is the whole point of making the world believe that we are happy when we truly are not? And we keep falling for the trap and believing that those with the greater amount of people in their lives are the happiest. Its one of the tricks the world plays on you. Plus, out of those thousand friends you'll find some that are probably the wrong people to be around, some who are just there for your money, some who are just there to take advantage of who you are and some who really are not your friends but pretend to be.


Among those one thousand friends...
There will be people who say they care but do not care at all.
People who lie to you in your face and smile at your jokes but behind your back they don't stop talking about you.
People who manage to be in your life everyday and always seem distant.
People who just want something to talk about.
People who don't truly like you.
People who want to hurt you.
People who are jealous of who you are.
People who want your money.
People who want to change you.

Or you could choose to have one friend...

One who is there for you.
Who trusts you
Who cares about you every step of the way.
One friend who wants to hold your hand through the bad times and the good also.
Who will be there no matter what.
Who knows you and who can tell when there's something wrong with you even though you say no words.
Who loves you for who you are.
Who can accept you with all your flaws.
Who you can be yourself with.


I rather have one friend than a thousand friends. I rather have no friends than to be untrue to who I am.
I refuse to change for the world.

Afraid of light

People are usually afraid of the future.
I am more afraid of today than tomorrow, because today is certain and the future is just a possibility.

Afraid of the things they don't know,
I'm more afraid of not using the things I do know wisely.

Afraid of death and things they've never experienced before.
I'm afraid of having lived and not learning of my mistakes.

They are afraid of inexistent monsters.
I am afraid of real people rather than imaginary monsters because real people can hurt me and imaginary monsters can't.

Afraid of the world coming to an end.
I'm more afraid of the world staying the same.

People are afraid of change,
I'm more afraid of the thought of absence of change because then better things would not be able to happen.

People are afraid of what others might say of them.
I'm not afraid of words because words can't hurt me but actions can.

People are afraid of what people think of them.
I'm afraid of what I think of myself.

People are afraid of other people ruining their chances for success.

I'm afraid of being the reason why I don't succeed. 

People are afraid of the dark.

I am afraid of the light because I might be seeing but not looking.

I am more afraid of today than tomorrow,
Because today is certain and the future is just a possibility.

Fear take over their lives, and they forget to live.



I might be fearful but I happen to be brave and being brave is not living in the absence of fear but it is the overcoming of fear and not letting it take over your life. 
I live overcoming my fears everyday, and not letting them make decisions for me
because if there is one thing I have learned is that nothing can stand in your way but yourself. 

"A dReAmEd Childhood"

How many people are lucky enough to have their grandparents still in their lives? Not so many right?
I am one of the lucky ones to have both of my grandparents still with me. Not only this, but I have the most amazing grandparents ever! They are no regular old fashioned and boring grandparents, no no no! If you were thinking about the type of grandparents who stay at home and read books and never go out you've got my grandparents wrong. I also have the most amazing aunts, uncles and cousins; all of which I still manage to stay in contact with also.

Growing up, I would say I probably had the dream childhood. I was close to all members of my family, and family life really made up a big part of my life. Christmas, weekends and holidays were always spent with the entire family, which made room for so much fun and memorable moments. The good thing about our family is that every day that we spend together is a day where things are special. I got to share with every single one of them and enjoyed the time with my cousins, especially the one that was closest in age with me.

One of the things that I really enjoyed about these reunions was the amount of things that one could talk about and just really having fun knowing that these were people who were always going to be in your life and who cared about you. We always played jokes on each other and there were fights (what do you expect? this is not fantasy! plus... there are hormones involved since we were mostly all in our teens!) but we always got over it really fast.





Its like every week it was something to look forward to, its like having Disney World every week, its how it felt. I enjoyed just every single moment, where we would just sit around the table and talk about what was happening with all of us and the great things that had happened throughout the week. The "grown-ups" would always take over the conversation and the "kids" would always say a couple of things and then go to have their own conversations. The girls would go somewhere to talk and usually the boys went to play some kind of video game or play outside. We were divided like that most of the times, but managed to come across certain moments where we would all end up in the pool playing games we made up.

When I moved to Manila, after living in Dominican Republic for most of my life the one thing that was hard was leaving them and the rest of my family. For some reason when I mention family people assume I am speaking of my parents and siblings but fail to understand that when I say my family I mean my entire family (including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, close friends, etc). And leaving them to come to Manila was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

I was used to seeing them at least two times a week, and when I came here the one thing I was scared about was not being able to communicate with them. Everything turned out perfectly though, my grandparents turned into technological grandparents and created accounts for everything (skype, facebook, gmail, etc). So, I still talk to them and can send my hellos every once in a while. My aunts and uncles also created skype accounts where we can always keep in touch. And well... my cousins and I have facebook, msn, gmail, hotmail, yahoo, oovoo, etc to make things easier for us to communicate. I don't talk to my cousins as often but when I do, we manage to just go right back where we were before. Its as if growing up has not affected the love and care we have for one another.

Memories like going to the mountains with my family, to the beach or just to a simple restaurant on a weekend are things that I treasure greatly and that I would never for anything. Things that are invaluable to the person that I have become today. Leaving just made me realize even more how important each and every single member of my family is to me, and it just showed me the importance in my life even today when I am at such a long distance from them.

The memories of my childhood are memories that I will never forget. Things were not perfect and they will never be but they were perfect in my mind. When I think back, I think of all the things that made up my week from the fights to the laughs and I look at every single part of it with a smile on my face. Memories and experiences that I will never forget and will keep me company for the rest of my life, people who I will be able to look up to forever because they are all the example of the people I want to become.

People and places I will never forget, and who are a part of me until today...