She saved her money wisely,
She would know what to say just exactly,
And she said "never let anything distract thee."
She would show me right from wrong.
I remember just wanting to go along,
Whenever she was around I felt like I belong.
She was sweet,
As sweet as when chocolate and sugar meet,
She was so neat.
Her upper lip was invisible,
And she would always color it with pencil,
As if she needed it, she was truly beautiful.
She had many more years than I did,
But she was far from boring,
Everyone just loved her.
She had golden and white hairs on her head,
And she always liked all her meals to have bread,
She always made me want to look ahead.
She had the most beautiful eyes,
They surely never lied,
But they always knew what was wrong with me, they were little spies.
She was just a happy soul,
Full of colorful stories to share,
Everyone would just want to stare.
And one day I saw the change in her eyes,
She could not stare into mine,
And that's when I knew everything was not fine.
She stopped eating,
She started hiding,
I knew they were lying.
And one day during the summer,
On the early morning I woke up feeling different,
I knew she was not with me anymore.
And I looked at my cousin with tears falling,
I could hear everyone calling,
While I just felt like crying.
I was a kid then,
But even then I knew she was a gem,
I felt like a rose being cut from the stem.
I knew that I would not see her again,
I just felt like I needed to complain!
But I needed to contain.
And so I never would see her,
But she was in me I was sure,
And that thought made it easier to endure.
I knew she would not want to see me crying,
So to stop crying I was trying,
And I knew that from somewhere she was eyeing.
She was looking over me,
So I looked at her picture happily,
I knew that was the least I could do.
I would miss her that was a given;
But in the right direction, she had made me driven,
I knew that she would be forgiving.
It was okay to miss her,
As long as it was with a smile of joy that's for sure,
I knew then that I was more mature.
So, I took my last look into her face;
A small purple flower in her hands I placed,
And I finally I moved away at my own pace.
In my mind I said my final goodbye,
I said I love you with tears in my eyes,
I knew everything would be alright.
I knew I would never forget that last summer,
But even today even though she is not around,
Her memory still manages to make me smile.
"I love you"
In memory of one of the most amazing women that I have ever met.
Rosario
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Circus
Time for the party,
Lets pretend to be smarty,
And to look cool lets be tardy.
Lets dress up for halloween,
Lets look all mean,
Lets be the worst the world has seen.
We look in the mirror,
And when we stare we have to look nearer,
As if we saw a new us, someone clearer.
And we put on our blush,
Which is just meant to give us a rush,
Just to make others believe we have blushed.
And then we put on our costume,
We want to impress and look awesome,
As if we had just blossom.
And for that night the world believes,
And we feel achieved,
So, we breathe.
The costume is tight on you,
But its not like anyone has a clue,
and to forget you drink more booze.
It comes to the end of the night;
And you scared many, thats right,
Its as if you could have started a fight.
And as you try and pull down the zipper,
The costume doesn't come off and you try it quicker,
And the zipper breaks and you suddenly become a kicker.
The costume has become part of your skin;
And now you've become what it is, within,
Nothing to do but just give in.
Your make up is as well stuck like a mask,
And no matter what you do it really will last,
Aren't you happy now? You've become part of the cast.
We scream because we want to get out,
But the smile painted on your face leaves you in doubt,
You feel like you just want to shout.
But the costume restrains you from moving in the wrong way,
It keeps you from running away,
And it makes the world believe in who you are for another day.
And yet you are trapped,
But still the world clapped,
In the inside it just felt like you were slapped.
And while looking in the mirror,
You fight with yourself to get out of the costume,
You take all the fake away.
You stare at your reflection; you take a knife and destroy the costume,
Then you hear a BOOM!,
And then you notice your reflection has not moved.
Lets pretend to be smarty,
And to look cool lets be tardy.
Lets dress up for halloween,
Lets look all mean,
Lets be the worst the world has seen.
We look in the mirror,
And when we stare we have to look nearer,
As if we saw a new us, someone clearer.
And we put on our blush,
Which is just meant to give us a rush,
Just to make others believe we have blushed.
And then we put on our costume,
We want to impress and look awesome,
As if we had just blossom.
And for that night the world believes,
And we feel achieved,
So, we breathe.
The costume is tight on you,
But its not like anyone has a clue,
and to forget you drink more booze.
It comes to the end of the night;
And you scared many, thats right,
Its as if you could have started a fight.
And as you try and pull down the zipper,
The costume doesn't come off and you try it quicker,
And the zipper breaks and you suddenly become a kicker.
The costume has become part of your skin;
And now you've become what it is, within,
Nothing to do but just give in.
Your make up is as well stuck like a mask,
And no matter what you do it really will last,
Aren't you happy now? You've become part of the cast.
We scream because we want to get out,
But the smile painted on your face leaves you in doubt,
You feel like you just want to shout.
But the costume restrains you from moving in the wrong way,
It keeps you from running away,
And it makes the world believe in who you are for another day.
And yet you are trapped,
But still the world clapped,
In the inside it just felt like you were slapped.
And while looking in the mirror,
You fight with yourself to get out of the costume,
You take all the fake away.
You stare at your reflection; you take a knife and destroy the costume,
Then you hear a BOOM!,
And then you notice your reflection has not moved.
Consumed in a world of appearance,
we chose to be adherent,
And start becoming incoherent.
The destroyers
It gives us shelter,
And we destroy it.
It meets our needs
and we ignore it.
And no matter how much we know,
we just remember to please ourselves.
And then it becomes a destroyer,
and there's no way we can get help from a lawyer.
Then we complain about its cruelty
when we thought of it not once before.
The waters rise,
And the sky cries.
And the trash consumes its floors,
And we slowly run out of hiding spots.
We happen to know what we are doing to ourselves,
It happens to be in our own bookshelves.
But no, we decide to ignore that,
Just to live more like spoiled brats.
We make our surroundings scream,
And everything just becomes pure heat.
The ice kingdoms melt away,
And things start to disappear.
What we knew is no longer in existence,
Now all we can do is look from a distance.
As we destroy what keeps us alive,
And to try and forget we decide to go out for a drive.
And we destroy it.
It meets our needs
and we ignore it.
And no matter how much we know,
we just remember to please ourselves.
And then it becomes a destroyer,
and there's no way we can get help from a lawyer.
Then we complain about its cruelty
when we thought of it not once before.
The waters rise,
And the sky cries.
And the trash consumes its floors,
And we slowly run out of hiding spots.
We happen to know what we are doing to ourselves,
It happens to be in our own bookshelves.
But no, we decide to ignore that,
Just to live more like spoiled brats.
We make our surroundings scream,
And everything just becomes pure heat.
The ice kingdoms melt away,
And things start to disappear.
What we knew is no longer in existence,
Now all we can do is look from a distance.
As we destroy what keeps us alive,
And to try and forget we decide to go out for a drive.
Mental Hospital
Walls covered in white,
You put up a fight,
And you see a flying kite.
You keep fighting the straitjacket,
Wanting to just fly in a rocket,
And forget you have the key in your own pocket.
All you see is the everything of nothing,
And you're afraid of what's coming,
But all you do is keep humming.
You move from side to side,
As if you were on a mind adventure ride,
And then you remember you were lied.
You keep pushing against the jacket,
But its impossible in your mind to set yourself free,
So you give in and forget about the key.
All you hear is silence,
And it reminds you of all the violence,
and you keep dancing to the thought of pain.
You push harder and harder against the material,
Until your arms hurt and you're dripping in sweat,
But nothing really changed.
Frustration comes into play,
And you wish the past could have stayed,
All that is left to do is pray.
All alone and by yourself you wonder why you?
And try to put together the clues,
Trying to get away from the obvious and the news.
Tears fall down your eyes,
Everything you've tried has been a lie,
You really just feel like you want to die.
And then you get used to the straitjacket,
We stop fighting it and adjust,
As if we needed more than just lust.
We are imprisoned in our own minds,
and we become completely blind,
but we search until answers we can find.
And we give up,
And in our minds we sweeten things with syrup,
More than enough.
The truth is too much to bare,
And the things we have found sound absurd,
so we decide to keep our knowledge altered.
While seeing a flying kite,
You stop putting a fight,
And now you just enjoy the ride.
Forgetting once again about the key in your pocket,
A key that can set you free,
But you decide to keep on your knees.
You put up a fight,
And you see a flying kite.
You keep fighting the straitjacket,
Wanting to just fly in a rocket,
And forget you have the key in your own pocket.
All you see is the everything of nothing,
And you're afraid of what's coming,
But all you do is keep humming.
You move from side to side,
As if you were on a mind adventure ride,
And then you remember you were lied.
You keep pushing against the jacket,
But its impossible in your mind to set yourself free,
So you give in and forget about the key.
All you hear is silence,
And it reminds you of all the violence,
and you keep dancing to the thought of pain.
You push harder and harder against the material,
Until your arms hurt and you're dripping in sweat,
But nothing really changed.
Frustration comes into play,
And you wish the past could have stayed,
All that is left to do is pray.
All alone and by yourself you wonder why you?
And try to put together the clues,
Trying to get away from the obvious and the news.
Tears fall down your eyes,
Everything you've tried has been a lie,
You really just feel like you want to die.
And then you get used to the straitjacket,
We stop fighting it and adjust,
As if we needed more than just lust.
We are imprisoned in our own minds,
and we become completely blind,
but we search until answers we can find.
And we give up,
And in our minds we sweeten things with syrup,
More than enough.
The truth is too much to bare,
And the things we have found sound absurd,
so we decide to keep our knowledge altered.
While seeing a flying kite,
You stop putting a fight,
And now you just enjoy the ride.
Forgetting once again about the key in your pocket,
A key that can set you free,
But you decide to keep on your knees.
Frustration comes into play,
And you wish the past could have stayed,
All that is left to do is pray.
Tears fall down your eyes,
Everything you've tried has been a lie,
You really just feel like you want to die.
We are imprisoned in our own minds,
and we become completely blind,
but we search until answers we can find.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sober
What is there to be understood?
But things look like they should,
Everything seems so good.
Feeling dizzy and off balance,
It pulls inside this one dimension,
Another world in our mind thats full of complexion.
And once again we fall,
And we hear one more call,
We get distracted and forget about restriction walls.
As if we ever cared,
About anything else since we usually just stare,
But our minds are never truly there.
And we forget that time keeps ticking,
And the clock never stops clicking,
and the world never stops spinning.
We get distracted with the noise,
And later we just get annoyed,
We become paranoid.
Because we remember too late that time ran away,
But we never tried to make time stay,
And it does not stop no matter what we say.
We fall in a deep hypnosis,
And we forget about what we did yesterday,
As if it never mattered to your today.
And so we make decisions,
And we decide to stay all drunk,
Because it is easier to just play stupid than to act up.
But things look like they should,
Everything seems so good.
Feeling dizzy and off balance,
It pulls inside this one dimension,
Another world in our mind thats full of complexion.
And once again we fall,
And we hear one more call,
We get distracted and forget about restriction walls.
As if we ever cared,
About anything else since we usually just stare,
But our minds are never truly there.
And we forget that time keeps ticking,
And the clock never stops clicking,
and the world never stops spinning.
We get distracted with the noise,
And later we just get annoyed,
We become paranoid.
Because we remember too late that time ran away,
But we never tried to make time stay,
And it does not stop no matter what we say.
We fall in a deep hypnosis,
And we forget about what we did yesterday,
As if it never mattered to your today.
And so we make decisions,
And we decide to stay all drunk,
Because it is easier to just play stupid than to act up.
Life control
I think that it is safe to say that we've all heard the same punch lines about 2,000 times and never have they turned out to be completely true. Is it just another trick or is it sincere? Is it just another game or is this serious? Sometimes, we know what the truth is but fail to accept it and convince ourselves into believing what makes us feel better. Convincing ourselves into lies that end up hurting us, because knowingly we went into our own trap. The signs were there and we chose to ignore them. Who are we to blame but ourselves, when everything was there and we decided not to see it?
We try and make things look the way that we want them to and at times we imagine things that are not really there. Our minds play games with the truth just to try and make reality less cruel or more on what we want it to be. Our wishes somehow become part of our reality, wishes that are not really concrete and real. We let ourselves fall into an abysm, with no end. Its as if things were not complicated enough as they are, I've mentioned before that the world plays tricks on us and makes us believe in a distorted reality but our own selves are much more dangerous than our environment.
We are our own enemy at times, we forget the things that should be important and replace them with desires of our bodies. Simple things as eating sweets and gaining weight show an unbalance of management to our own bodies; showing that one is being driven by pleasure rather than by need. We eat to live, we don't live to eat and sometimes there is a big confusion between these two. This being just one example of how we can become our own enemy in the most simple of things.
Sometimes we make ourselves excuses not to do things that matter or that are a priority in our lives. Our minds create a distorted view of the reasons why you did not accomplish what you had intended to accomplish before. This takes the guilt out of us, since in our minds we have reasons why we just could not make what we had planned become a reality. Nevertheless, usually we make ourselves the victims and forget about the importance of the things that we have to do every single day. As if this was not enough, we make excuses in our head for everything. See if these sounds any familiar:
"I'll do that later, I've worked too hard today"
"I'm tired, I'll just rest today and do that tomorrow"
"I should do that work today but I have something else I need to do first... maybe tomorrow"
"I made him feel bad... but he started it"
"I did not attend to her birthday but she was not there for mine"
"I forgot the keys... my maid put them elsewhere so its her fault"
We create excuses for everything we end up not doing. We create excuses of excuses about things that we cannot get done simply because we are lazy and don't want to get them done. If there is something you need to do, then there will be time for it since you will make time for it. There is no excuses of any kind in the things that have priority in your life.
Are you going to really stop working because you're tired? No... because you need the money for food and other expenses. Same thing works here, there is simply no excuse not to do what you are supposed to be doing.
If there is no time, then you're wasting time. There is no such thing as "I did not have enough time to finish it", its all a lie. There is enough time in a day to finish everything one has to get done but you just have to focus on the things that are more important first. One thing we tend to do is that we distract ourselves with silly things...
"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A 4 HOUR BREAK" or a "break" off work every hour for unlimited minutes. The one reason why we fail so badly at getting our lives organized is because we simply just don't have a structure in our lives. We love procrastinating and leaving everything to the last minute, THEN we happen to just stress about things because they don't turn out as great as you wanted them to.
Then one says thats gonna change next time.. and it doesn't.
We make excuses, we make our own image of ourselves and we are not able to see through our own mistakes and weaknesses for most part but this is all because we choose for things to be this way.
Time for a change?
The facebook addiction
Once again we have found one more thing to keep posted on everyone else's life. Is it really necessary to go and see what every other one of your friends is doing every second of every day? Now everyone has a camera, as if to show off to someone else how good or how privileged their lives are. Its all like hollywood, as if the new best profile picture would get some kind of price. As if living one's lives and treasuring every moment was not enough, we feel the urge to just post to the world our entire lives and sometimes that leads us to actually enjoy the moments that are important and lose so much time in the process of recording everything.
We have to face that the presence of facebook is helpful when you want to keep in contact with people you have not seen in a long time or people you just don't see everyday and want to keep as part of your life. Nevertheless, it has become apparent that facebook has made us more of stalkers than people who just want to be informed. It makes me wonder how many people actually sit around looking at their news feed to see the new statuses that go up or just to be informed about the new relationship status and pictures. Facebook has become such a big part of our lives, it has taken over it almost completely. It happens to be in our phones, computers, and basically in our minds for most part of the day.
Millions of people have facebook, and the reason why is not to connect with one another but to show off themselves. Its as if you were selling off to the people you know, who you are and wanting to compete with every other person that . happens to be around also. I myself was a facebook addict, I would go on it every instance I could, would leave it on for hours and just waited when I was bored for news about my friends. But it made me realize how much of stalkers we are when we use it, and no one can really say that they are not one because the things that one does on it are that of a stalker... and I know you could argue its something public and people decide to put that information out there but still it just makes up for drama, misinterpretations and gossip.
Nevertheless all those three things I just mentioned are the one reason why it is so popular, the truth is that people love to be informed about everything. Its as if knowing more people makes you a better person because it just shows you've been around more and have more friends.
More friends = to more popular = more loved = happier.
For some reason we always look up to the people who are the happiest, usually the ones who party the most and do all the crazy things seem to be enjoying the most and those are the people who we seem to look as our role models. But is it really true that they are happy? Again we fall for illusions, behind all of the "fun" there happens to be people who are insecure of themselves, and who just rely on what people think of them. They are obsessed with being the center of attention and if they are doing all the crazy things (heavy drinking, late partying, drugs) then they are surely on their way of getting what they want.
And somehow we can never be completely happy with our own lives, and we end up throwing away the things that really matter to implement the things that we think will make us happier and just end up ruining us even more. This is not due to facebook, its what we make out of it that brings the worst in us. Human nature is just completely sad and annoying, we do things to get ourselves in situations where we then cannot get out of and end up making decisions that we will most likely regret later. And no matter how much someone tells you what I am telling you, or how many times you hear it; its as if you needed to go through all of it yourself in order to believe it.
So its pointless to tell you my own experience, but less facebook is more time in your own life rather than in the life of everyone else's, it makes you realize how much time you were wasting getting to be informed about things that served you in no way to be a better person or to living a better life. Who cares who went to Paris, when you could just go to Paris? Who cares who has two thousand friends when you probably know that they don't know half of them?
I rather have 2 friends that are real and that are there for me, rather than 2 thousand that don't know me or care for me.
But you do the math and think for yourself,
What's the true importance in your life?
Is it letting everyone else think you're happy OR being happy?
Is it showing everyone how pretty you are OR being real?
Is it showing off how much you've got on pictures OR living it?
Your choice.
We have to face that the presence of facebook is helpful when you want to keep in contact with people you have not seen in a long time or people you just don't see everyday and want to keep as part of your life. Nevertheless, it has become apparent that facebook has made us more of stalkers than people who just want to be informed. It makes me wonder how many people actually sit around looking at their news feed to see the new statuses that go up or just to be informed about the new relationship status and pictures. Facebook has become such a big part of our lives, it has taken over it almost completely. It happens to be in our phones, computers, and basically in our minds for most part of the day.
Millions of people have facebook, and the reason why is not to connect with one another but to show off themselves. Its as if you were selling off to the people you know, who you are and wanting to compete with every other person that . happens to be around also. I myself was a facebook addict, I would go on it every instance I could, would leave it on for hours and just waited when I was bored for news about my friends. But it made me realize how much of stalkers we are when we use it, and no one can really say that they are not one because the things that one does on it are that of a stalker... and I know you could argue its something public and people decide to put that information out there but still it just makes up for drama, misinterpretations and gossip.
Nevertheless all those three things I just mentioned are the one reason why it is so popular, the truth is that people love to be informed about everything. Its as if knowing more people makes you a better person because it just shows you've been around more and have more friends.
More friends = to more popular = more loved = happier.
For some reason we always look up to the people who are the happiest, usually the ones who party the most and do all the crazy things seem to be enjoying the most and those are the people who we seem to look as our role models. But is it really true that they are happy? Again we fall for illusions, behind all of the "fun" there happens to be people who are insecure of themselves, and who just rely on what people think of them. They are obsessed with being the center of attention and if they are doing all the crazy things (heavy drinking, late partying, drugs) then they are surely on their way of getting what they want.
And somehow we can never be completely happy with our own lives, and we end up throwing away the things that really matter to implement the things that we think will make us happier and just end up ruining us even more. This is not due to facebook, its what we make out of it that brings the worst in us. Human nature is just completely sad and annoying, we do things to get ourselves in situations where we then cannot get out of and end up making decisions that we will most likely regret later. And no matter how much someone tells you what I am telling you, or how many times you hear it; its as if you needed to go through all of it yourself in order to believe it.
So its pointless to tell you my own experience, but less facebook is more time in your own life rather than in the life of everyone else's, it makes you realize how much time you were wasting getting to be informed about things that served you in no way to be a better person or to living a better life. Who cares who went to Paris, when you could just go to Paris? Who cares who has two thousand friends when you probably know that they don't know half of them?
I rather have 2 friends that are real and that are there for me, rather than 2 thousand that don't know me or care for me.
But you do the math and think for yourself,
What's the true importance in your life?
Is it letting everyone else think you're happy OR being happy?
Is it showing everyone how pretty you are OR being real?
Is it showing off how much you've got on pictures OR living it?
Your choice.
Uncool?
Why is it that human beings create things and trends just to make life harder on himself?
Look at the things that are "cool" when you're young and end up ruining or determining your entire life:
Look at the things that are "cool" when you're young and end up ruining or determining your entire life:
Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Being lazy, Partying and so many others which in excess result in things like
- you become an addict
- lose precious time
- lose your life
- become pregnant
- make dumb decisions
- mistakes you can't take back
- forgetting who you are
- forgetting the people who matter
- creating a wrong image of yourself
- pushes you away from God
And so many other things... I just ask myself... is it really worth it?
We happen to make our lives so much more complicated than what they actually are. Life is hard as it is, why do we want to make it so much more difficult?
Keeping true to yourself is the key to success, the key to enjoying all stages of your life. Being cool for 4 years of high school and throwing the rest away because of it is not something smart to do.
It sounds so stupid when you actually put it as a question...
"Should I use drugs with my friends so that I am cooler in school and more popular even though this might ruin me and end up destroying my entire life?"
It sounds stupid because IT IS STUPID. But we have this obsession of trying to fit in when our goal should be standing out. We all say we want to be different but all we care is being part of a group and being loved by the rest. What we don't realize is that in fact, the rest care nothing about us. They just want something to talk about, and doing the craziest things give room for the greatest things to talk about, for the "coolest" stories.
But is it worth it? Are the people who are there with you doing all of those things going to be there when you truly need someone? Are they using you?
Human beings can be stupid when they want to be, what makes us even more stupid is the fact that half of the time we know the consequences of "being cool" can bring but we decide to ignore all of it and just think that it will never happen to us. Now think again, wake up! None of us have any special powers, we have our own talents and strengths and thats it. Either you do something with that or you don't and its all in you. You are given the choice, and the power to decide over your life...
Are you gonna follow the crowd?
Or will you just decide that you'll be uncool?
Because being uncool is what makes you different
and what will make the difference in what you will become tomorrow.
I choose to be uncool.
Do you?
Do you?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
World Hold On
Cruel truth.
How many times have we said we would change?
How many times have we promised that we would do something about our lives?
How many times have we not looked beyond ourselves?
How many times have we been selfish and forgotten others?
Why is it so hard for a human being to be able to get the strength within him and do things on his own?
We are cowards and prisoners of our own fears, fears of nothing. Things only seem scary when we have never happened to live them before. But why are we so scared of the future when it is today that counts? We live in a world where we try and leave everything we can do today for tomorrow because we assume there is a tomorrow. That is the human mistake; the mistake of assuming that in fact there will be a tomorrow. We happen to think of ourselves as immortals, and forget that we are fragile and that the health that we possess today might not be the same as we do the next day. We assume that life owes us something when in fact it was here before us; it owes us nothing. So many countless times have we forgotten about the true beauty of life because the shiny and the gold distract us.
Life is much more than just money, and it is much more than just survival. When I look back at my life I don’t want to say that I regret anything since I happen to be the person I am today because of the choices and mistakes of my past. When I look into tomorrow I will be fearless, and to all the new challenges that life might bring to me… I am not scared, bring it on.
You only live once, and we sometimes forget that this life is not eternal. Cherish the people who really matter and forget the distractions that the world presents to you in golden platters and shinny signs. The world’s views are meant to distract you, and take you off your path, don’t fall for it. The partying, the drinking, the drugs, the lights, and so many other things are meant to just bring you out of yourself, these things consume you into darkness and suppress the true meaning that you should be giving to your life.
Life is about balancing the important things in ones life, enjoy every single part of it without losing yourself in the image of others. Its all about knowing who to trust and who to stay away from. These are lessons that take years to be understood and unfortunely cannot be taught.
Life is only one, spend it wisely and don’t ever leave anything that you want to say today unsaid. We are not eternal, you never know if you’ll get another chance.
Story of sunrise
A stream of blue light in the sky shows off its colors and it blends with the dark blue and starts making it just clearer and clearer.
The stream of light keeps moving in and blending the dark blue. It makes of it whatever it wants, starts creating a new color. It blends in design, just like a painter blends its colors into new forms. And so the light creates beauty in the sky and calls upon a new beginning and the start of time. The start of movement, that rises from the calm.
And so the dark blue gives in to the light, and the light takes over the sky and suppresses the darkness and brings life to a new day. Awakening the world to a new start and showing off the beauty once again the beauty of a world that for 12 hours was consumed in darkness and blinded our perception.
Once again, the world awakens.
Once again, a new beginning.
Scattered pieces
Why does the bad look so good?
Why is the right so wrong?
Things are distorted in this world.
I wanted to see,
I wanted to be free,
I just needed to find the key;
The key to seeing beyond what is already there,
I think we can't see because its just too rare,
 |
| Not all that shines is gold. |
To bare with the weight of having seen,
And still being too mean,
But still wanting to look clean;
The answer lies in the crowd,
As they shout about the wrong being right out loud,
Its as if they were proud;
But we decide to follow the rest,
and forget about what's best,
Its as if we willingly decided to be oppressed.
What a cruel world we live in,
One where everything is just a spin,
And one carries who one is in a pin.
As if actions had repercussions,
and we try and figure out why in discussions,
when we initially understood the consequences.
But either way we follow the crowd,
And we hear them scream what's wrong is right very loud,
and we still follow them somehow.
It is a rather strange world where we live in,
Where things just spin,
can we truly say we're free?
In a world where we have the best examples,
We choose to take the wrong paths just to become a sample,
and then we get trampled;
And we get trampled we complain,
As if the world were insane,
And we forget we have a brain;
We scream "why does this happen to me!?,"
As if we were more special than thee,
and we forget we're just one more in the house of bees.
We knew what we were getting into,
Because we knew the world had been lying from our own window,
And we knew what would come from below.
And we still expect for the world to fix it,
A world made just of scattered pieces,
Where things are just meant to make you dizzy.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A light at the end of the tunnel
Sometimes I write as a reflection to my own experiences. As a way of letting my feelings just spill on paper. It makes me feel so much better, since i have a hard time sometimes trusting the people around me with things that bother me or that make me sad. I have been an idiot these past couple of months, its been so crazy. I've been only thinking about people who don't matter and people who don't care about me. My so called "friends" who mostly ended up backstabbing me or spreading rumors about me in school.
Its crazy the amount of things people can come up with just to be the center of attention for two minutes. I have let myself go, and forgot what my true purpose was and who I should be putting all my trust and confidence into. I forgot about God.
Ever since I can remember, I have tried to carry things on my own back without counting on anyone. This has led me to make many mistakes throughout my life, mistakes that I could have avoided if only I stopped and talked to people that really mattered. But I can be so hard headed at times... I look back and in moments where I had no idea what to do, I still managed to keep quiet and that was the worst mistake I could have ever done.
I started partying and relying on people who did not care for me one single bit. My so called "friends" who happened to leave my life as fast as they came in it. Its so sad whenever I think about this, because I managed to actually be there for every single one of them and they never were truly there for me. Nevertheless, I felt like it made me a great person to be there when I was needed but once again forgot about myself.
I was blind. I can't trust anyone but one person besides my family of course... He's been like an angel fallen from heave to me. I've talked about him before in another 2 posts, because he is seriously just so amazing. The fact that he is able to be there no matter what, despite the fact that he is so many miles away from me is just a blessing. He's managed to make me talk and open up; I've been so closed up since I have been hurt so many times before I just can't really thank him enough.
Its like God knew, who to put in my way to help me through everything. I can't thank God enough for making him a part of my life and keeping him there. A real friend, the only real friend that I don't really have to hesitate to think about when I call him a friend. He's just the best.
So, in moments where I don't know what to do I turn to him and I turn to God now. Before doing anything I think to myself what would God think about what I am doing...
Whenever I just need someone to listen, or just hear me up I know my best friend will be there.
God has been so good to me, and I've been so blind... He's given me all the tools to succeed and I've just decided to do the wrong things with them. To ignore him, to just push him out of my life when I needed him the most. I've been trying to be so smart, I have made myself look so stupid! I wanted to take the power over my life, when I am not prepared to do it all by myself.
If there is something that I have learned in the past couple of years is the fact that I don't HAVE to do everything on my own. That it is okay to really ask for help sometimes and I have to thank God once again for finally making me realize this and for giving me such an amazing best friend to be there by my side at all times. To give me such a wonderful family, even though I have also managed to keep quiet from them.
I know what I have to do now, I know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. If we were designed to live this life and be on our own, there wouldn't be as many people in the world. I am on the road to continue making myself the best I can be, and with God's help I know anything is possible. He's watching over me and I decide to make HIM a part of my life, because he's the road to success. Without him, nothing is really possible and I know that I will be the best I can be as long as I have him in my life and I also know that I will make less mistakes and be able to stand up stronger if I fall.
I bring him into my life because he's the light at the end of my tunnel.
Its crazy the amount of things people can come up with just to be the center of attention for two minutes. I have let myself go, and forgot what my true purpose was and who I should be putting all my trust and confidence into. I forgot about God.
Ever since I can remember, I have tried to carry things on my own back without counting on anyone. This has led me to make many mistakes throughout my life, mistakes that I could have avoided if only I stopped and talked to people that really mattered. But I can be so hard headed at times... I look back and in moments where I had no idea what to do, I still managed to keep quiet and that was the worst mistake I could have ever done.
I started partying and relying on people who did not care for me one single bit. My so called "friends" who happened to leave my life as fast as they came in it. Its so sad whenever I think about this, because I managed to actually be there for every single one of them and they never were truly there for me. Nevertheless, I felt like it made me a great person to be there when I was needed but once again forgot about myself.
I was blind. I can't trust anyone but one person besides my family of course... He's been like an angel fallen from heave to me. I've talked about him before in another 2 posts, because he is seriously just so amazing. The fact that he is able to be there no matter what, despite the fact that he is so many miles away from me is just a blessing. He's managed to make me talk and open up; I've been so closed up since I have been hurt so many times before I just can't really thank him enough.
Its like God knew, who to put in my way to help me through everything. I can't thank God enough for making him a part of my life and keeping him there. A real friend, the only real friend that I don't really have to hesitate to think about when I call him a friend. He's just the best.
So, in moments where I don't know what to do I turn to him and I turn to God now. Before doing anything I think to myself what would God think about what I am doing...
Whenever I just need someone to listen, or just hear me up I know my best friend will be there.
God has been so good to me, and I've been so blind... He's given me all the tools to succeed and I've just decided to do the wrong things with them. To ignore him, to just push him out of my life when I needed him the most. I've been trying to be so smart, I have made myself look so stupid! I wanted to take the power over my life, when I am not prepared to do it all by myself.
If there is something that I have learned in the past couple of years is the fact that I don't HAVE to do everything on my own. That it is okay to really ask for help sometimes and I have to thank God once again for finally making me realize this and for giving me such an amazing best friend to be there by my side at all times. To give me such a wonderful family, even though I have also managed to keep quiet from them.
I know what I have to do now, I know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. If we were designed to live this life and be on our own, there wouldn't be as many people in the world. I am on the road to continue making myself the best I can be, and with God's help I know anything is possible. He's watching over me and I decide to make HIM a part of my life, because he's the road to success. Without him, nothing is really possible and I know that I will be the best I can be as long as I have him in my life and I also know that I will make less mistakes and be able to stand up stronger if I fall.
Love for movement
So you could say that I love dancing... a little bit too much :)
There are little things in this world that make me feel the way I feel when I dance to one of my favorite songs. Sometimes I just go with the music... I am one of those random people who just happen to be dancing to the song on the radio just because I can and not care if other people are watching like "what in the world is she doing?".
Ever since I discovered dance, I discovered part of who I am.
The sibling language
Its rather complex to try and explain the relationship between siblings. Unless you live it you won't know what in the world I am talking about. I am the eldest of 3 siblings. My brother is 5 years younger than me and my little sister 10 years younger than me; imagine that! Over the years we've had so many reasons why to fight and hate each other. In one way or another we have managed to still be alive, even though all of us who have a large family must know that this task seems rather impossible at times.
It is hard to understand the thrill of just wanting to make each other's life impossible in one way or another. Its fun stuff though... as long as you're not being the one bothered! So many times our things are moved from one place to another or taken without our consent or permission. Simple things like that get to our nerves at times. I mean how are we supposed to react? They are taking our things right? And then we manage to try and do something similar to them in order to teach them a lesson. But it ends up being an endless chain of "getting back jokes" that one can't even remember who even started it!
I still remember that one time where I pushed my brother to the pool with his clothes on because he had thrown my phone to the pool. So... you could say that I made him go get it. But anyway, my point being that these chains of endless jokes to one another are one of the most annoying things when growing up, nevertheless those are the memories that you look back at when you get older. Those are the memories that you tell your grandchildren and your children when they start growing up, to explain to them that its natural... that siblings are just mean to each other most of the times.
I will probably drag on this post for a couple more paragraphs just talking about how we manage to be alive today. For most part, we didn't end up killing one another (not literally) because of my mom. Without her we wouldn't be alive... in more than one way.
The endless times where she came in to shut us up in the middle of the night to try and make us sleep because we had started playing games without her knowing since we were not tired. I don't know why... but kids have always that drive to want to stay awake, for most part because of all the fairy-tale stories that they are being told about... like the tooth-fairy, santa claus, etc... I mean, I remember me and my siblings staying up till late just to see if we could catch a fairy or see santa claus during christmas days. Anyway, going back to what I was saying... my mom is the real reason why we are STILL alive today. I remember the times where she would catch my brother putting "traps" in my room to see if I would fall for them and end up breaking something important (he was mean, i know). But it didn't matter since i knew what he loved (food) and I knew how to get mom to say no to him by just telling her about all that he had eaten in the day.
My mom is a health freak and she wants us to be healthy. She never let us have too much candy, or too much dessert and she was always concerned (even today) about our/her weight. Anyway, I would give my brother my cookie and end up telling her he stole it or something... Then I would end up getting his cookie for the rest of the week... he usually hated me for it. I remember the first time my brother made me cry... he was 2 years old and walking already and he took his hard plastic toy guitar and hit me in the head with it. It was then when I knew that our relationship would not be too friendly.
Things always happened and we would always blame things on one another, making my mom even more mad and just grounding all of us no matter who's fault it was. Then during the time where we couldn't go out and had to stay at home we would fight over who's fault it was and one always ended up hurt or crying. It was the way things worked... Its the language of brothers.
We would always want the same spot in the table somehow... the one closer to the dessert or to our favorite dish (which was usually common between all of us). That was another reason to fight and we all jumped right at it! I mean... as siblings it is natural to just point out the best opportunities to make each other as irritated as humanly possible... if not.. even more!
Its crazy but no matter how much we say we hate each other, how much we scream at each other and fight with each other, no matter what... whenever we are not close its as if one part of us was missing. Its the common theory of "can't live with you, can't live without you", JUST TO MAKE THINGS A BIT MORE COMPLICATED.
So this is how it usually goes:
It is hard to understand the thrill of just wanting to make each other's life impossible in one way or another. Its fun stuff though... as long as you're not being the one bothered! So many times our things are moved from one place to another or taken without our consent or permission. Simple things like that get to our nerves at times. I mean how are we supposed to react? They are taking our things right? And then we manage to try and do something similar to them in order to teach them a lesson. But it ends up being an endless chain of "getting back jokes" that one can't even remember who even started it!
I still remember that one time where I pushed my brother to the pool with his clothes on because he had thrown my phone to the pool. So... you could say that I made him go get it. But anyway, my point being that these chains of endless jokes to one another are one of the most annoying things when growing up, nevertheless those are the memories that you look back at when you get older. Those are the memories that you tell your grandchildren and your children when they start growing up, to explain to them that its natural... that siblings are just mean to each other most of the times.
I will probably drag on this post for a couple more paragraphs just talking about how we manage to be alive today. For most part, we didn't end up killing one another (not literally) because of my mom. Without her we wouldn't be alive... in more than one way.
The endless times where she came in to shut us up in the middle of the night to try and make us sleep because we had started playing games without her knowing since we were not tired. I don't know why... but kids have always that drive to want to stay awake, for most part because of all the fairy-tale stories that they are being told about... like the tooth-fairy, santa claus, etc... I mean, I remember me and my siblings staying up till late just to see if we could catch a fairy or see santa claus during christmas days. Anyway, going back to what I was saying... my mom is the real reason why we are STILL alive today. I remember the times where she would catch my brother putting "traps" in my room to see if I would fall for them and end up breaking something important (he was mean, i know). But it didn't matter since i knew what he loved (food) and I knew how to get mom to say no to him by just telling her about all that he had eaten in the day.
My mom is a health freak and she wants us to be healthy. She never let us have too much candy, or too much dessert and she was always concerned (even today) about our/her weight. Anyway, I would give my brother my cookie and end up telling her he stole it or something... Then I would end up getting his cookie for the rest of the week... he usually hated me for it. I remember the first time my brother made me cry... he was 2 years old and walking already and he took his hard plastic toy guitar and hit me in the head with it. It was then when I knew that our relationship would not be too friendly.
Things always happened and we would always blame things on one another, making my mom even more mad and just grounding all of us no matter who's fault it was. Then during the time where we couldn't go out and had to stay at home we would fight over who's fault it was and one always ended up hurt or crying. It was the way things worked... Its the language of brothers.
We would always want the same spot in the table somehow... the one closer to the dessert or to our favorite dish (which was usually common between all of us). That was another reason to fight and we all jumped right at it! I mean... as siblings it is natural to just point out the best opportunities to make each other as irritated as humanly possible... if not.. even more!
Its crazy but no matter how much we say we hate each other, how much we scream at each other and fight with each other, no matter what... whenever we are not close its as if one part of us was missing. Its the common theory of "can't live with you, can't live without you", JUST TO MAKE THINGS A BIT MORE COMPLICATED.
 |
| We have fun together doing the most random things! |
 |
| we hate each other most of the time |
 |
| we annoy each another |
 |
| we get confused |
 |
| we wanna kill each other for most part |
 |
| we bring out the worst in one another! |
 |
| we are confusing.... |
 |
| we get tired of each other |
 |
| We pretend to like each other to get what we want ;) |
 |
| But no matter what... we still love one another |
A kid at heart
No matter what to say,
there's no way Im running away,
There's no way I am letting her stay.
No matter the time,
Or how many responsibilities are given,
I refuse to be completed.
I refuse to transform into serious,
I have to say that I am just too curious,
Just thinking about growing up makes me furious!
I'll be like peter pan,
I ran,
I want to be a kid just because I can!
I will grow old on the outside,
But I will still ask for my chicken fried,
Not roasted because of the diet supplied.
I am looking forward to being a grown up with a lollipop,
And that still goes to the candy shop,
Somebody better call the cops!
I want to be a grown-up with the heart of a kid,
I will still play hide and seek,
And yes, they'll call me a freak!
So let time pass,
and let the responsibilities roll,
but I'll still be like peter pan, there's no way I'm growing old.
I will NINJA attack being serious and boring.
I will be a KID at HEART forever.
I solemnly swear that this is true,
I'm gonna kick being a grown up with my shoe!
There's no way I am letting her stay.
No matter the time,
Or how many responsibilities are given,
I refuse to be completed.
I refuse to transform into serious,
I have to say that I am just too curious,
Just thinking about growing up makes me furious!
I'll be like peter pan,
I ran,
I want to be a kid just because I can!
I will grow old on the outside,
But I will still ask for my chicken fried,
Not roasted because of the diet supplied.
I am looking forward to being a grown up with a lollipop,
And that still goes to the candy shop,
Somebody better call the cops!
I want to be a grown-up with the heart of a kid,
I will still play hide and seek,
And yes, they'll call me a freak!
So let time pass,
and let the responsibilities roll,
but I'll still be like peter pan, there's no way I'm growing old.
I will NINJA attack being serious and boring.
I will be a KID at HEART forever.
I solemnly swear that this is true,
I'm gonna kick being a grown up with my shoe!
How can you not believe in heaven after seeing places like this?
All pictures taken by me :)
Philippines.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
From a caterpillar to a butterfly
I had to learn who were my real friends.
I was lied,
I was hurt over and over again.
I could not take it any longer.
I spin and create my wall,
One to keep the world outside.
One to keep myself protected.
My wall soon became hard,
I decided to quit on everyone.
No one would hurt me anymore.
I was by myself.
I felt like I was dying,
The old me was dying;
I was partially dead,
And all seemed lost.
I used everything I had learned,
To make the new me,
The me who would be stronger,
The me who would make my dreams come true.
I was getting ready,
I was growing stronger,
I was becoming the real me,
I grew wings.
I felt stronger and stronger,
I knew I would be able to do anything now,
I was ready,
And so i pushed the wall and broke it.
For the first time,
I flew free.
Lost&found
She has been broken for a while now,She has been making the wrong paths, still knowing the right ones.
She managed to forget to look in the mirror,
Scared of her reflection.
She loves, this one boy.
All along she has, and has never gotten the guts to tell him.
No matter what she did to forget,
She dated other guys but nothing worked.
She dreamed to stop pretending.
She dreamed to tell him,
And she dreamed of being herself once again.
What had ever happened to her?
She had turned into something that she wasn't,
She had really forgotten she had wings to fly,
She had forgotten she was free.
She had always the choice of being who she wants to be.
So she took command of her life,
And made a plan.
Now all she does is follow her trail.
And be who she is.
No more being scared of anything,
Life won't break her.
What does not kill her will make her stronger.
No more being scared.
The most amazing person in my life
I have always managed to hide myself from the world,
You have always managed to find me.
I have always managed to make everything seem fine,
You have always managed to know when things aren't.
I have always managed to make everyone believe that I have everything under control,
You have always managed to know when i don't.
I have always hid myself behind laughs,
You have always managed to distinguish the real from the fake ones.
I am not perfect,
But you manage to see the perfect in me.
I am not the most beautiful,
But I am in your eyes.
I might not be the best,
But you make me want to be the best I can be.
There were moments where I found out myself in crowds of people,
and i felt completely lonely.
Moments where I was with who I once called my best friends,
and could not really count on them.
Moments where I was sad and had no one to turn to.
Moments in which i thought everything was lost and there was nothing to do.
Moments in which I had no idea what to do or who to turn to.
In those moments I could only think of one person, and that was you.
I am completely myself when I am with you,
I might not be completely open about everything, but I surely am comfortable.
Whenever I talk to you, I wish time would slow down... and give me more minutes in a day.
I haven't seen you in so long but I have never felt you too far.
I have to thank God for a lot of things,
My family, my friends, my life...
But most of all I have to thank him for giving me you.
You're more than just a "friend",
more than just "family",
more than just "anyone."
I care about you so much,
Trust me when I say that there is nothing that makes me happier than having you in my life.
But above all I need you to know that whenever I need someone to talk to, someone to listen, or just someone to care...
I think of you. No matter what time it is during the day.
You're my best friend.
I am thankful that you're part of my life.
I love you.
Who would have imagined that from this...
we would be here now :)
Things happen for a reason, and I am so thankful that you happened in my life ^.^
Trust me when I say that there is nothing that makes me happier than having you in my life.
But above all I need you to know that whenever I need someone to talk to, someone to listen, or just someone to care...
I think of you. No matter what time it is during the day.
You're my best friend.
I am thankful that you're part of my life.
I love you.
Who would have imagined that from this...
we would be here now :)
Things happen for a reason, and I am so thankful that you happened in my life ^.^
Nightmare
I have no real reasons for writing,
No inspiration,
Nothing to say.
I smile,
the mirror lies.
I scream and the mirror laughs.
Trapped inside my own world,
the world where i don't exist,
only image is present.
What you see is not what you get,
i scream,
the mirror laughs.
Images of who i was torment me,
its all a nightmare,
a cruel horrible nightmare.
What now?
Keep moving,
there's a light out the tunnel.
Not all that is shiny is gold,
not all that seems bright is light
and not all that is beautiful is pretty.
Fake gold also shines
Choices have consequences,
and roses have thorns.
What now?
I see the mirror,
I smile.
It stares back and laughs.
It believes nothing,
It knows,
It wonders...
why I lie.
Because deep inside,
there is a secret.I scream
I run.
Somewhere i got lost,
Forgot who I was,
Now i smile,
and the mirror laughs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)