Belated HaPpY BiRtHdAy

“ I have learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it.”

            I have known him long enough to realize how little I understand of him. Known him long enough to know that I have no way to know what he might be thinking when he is all alone drinking a cup of coffee. These questions intrigue me and just make me so much more curious to getting to understand that person who seems so close but is so far. Now I’m having trouble trying to say what I do know about him, besides where he works and what he usually does at breakfast and dinner. How can I describe this love that he has for me when I barely notice it myself?

            As I walk out the door to go out to school, I glance him goodbye. Every time there is this expected answer of “ have a good day honey”, which I really cant figure out he just says it because he is used to it or really because he means it. It is so odd to think you know someone and know nothing about how they feel, at least it would be good to have an idea on what is going on inside that mind.

            I remember the time when I left for school one morning and there was absolutely no one awake. Mom was away at the hospital performing surgery while dad slept comfortable in his room. I left for school, angry and mad that no one was there for me rather than my friends. I got home and dad was gone already, nothing on the table for me. No call, or signs of any kind from him. Mom got in from work after a long day and had brought with her the most gorgeous flowers and a cute little teddy bear, which had this awesome chocolate heart on his hands. Even though it had been the longest day, and she was as tired as someone could be, she remembered. I stared out the window looking for signs of that one person I wanted to hear about. My friends had all congratulated me, all were very happy to see me and I had the best day at school. Nevertheless that one special person did not call me, or leave a not or anything. I was angry, mad, sad, and had my eyes full of tears. I mean, what does it take for someone to say happy birthday? Or to call and say I love you once in a while?

            After all these years I’m used to these scenes, used to not seeing him much around and at a certain point I thought that he did not love me. I mean, come on! When you spend your entire life knowing someone, you at least hope to get a smile once in a while, or a simple happy birthday on your special day. I tried to maintain myself happy and such I convinced myself that well, he had to much work and too many problems and I was way too young to understand any of it.(since that’s what parents say “you are always too young and immature to understand). I thought this way for the longest time. Thought I was more of a picture in the wall, which he had too much work to notice it was even there.

            I tried figuring it all out in my head but nothing really made any sense to me. Does he really love me? I looked at him, while he watched TV and just glanced at what he was doing. He was playing with his phone and that was all I could see. I simply realized then, that I had given up on him. That I was being selfish, he is like that because that is who he is. The way of him showing love is rather different than others. Complicated to understand, he is a man that wants you to read his mind. That is exactly who he is. A man, full of knowledge that doesn’t think he needs to say what he thinks is already known. He doesn’t say I love you to me because he knows I know he does. He is just the worst person at describing what he feels, he just feels like its just too obvious to be noticed. He pays for our school, for our food, for my daily supplies and everything else I can think of. Of course he loves me and of course he cares. If he didn’t then, why spend so many hours working till late just so that we can get all that we have? It wouldn’t make sense any other way. I know he loves me and I know he cares and not only that but he wants me to be happy and I know this. While I start thinking all of these things to myself I notice him smiling at me while I’m not looking back. I smile back at him, at the man who gave me life. Suddenly I notice my phone is off, I turn it on and cry after what I see. It was a message from him, “daddy will always love you sweetie, happy birthday!” He cares, he loves me and he did not have to do anything to show me that, I just knew since before and did not realize. 

            Sometimes its hard to realize someone actually cares unless they show you, so if you care for someone really show them and let them know you care. People don't read minds.