A light at the end of the tunnel

Sometimes I write as a reflection to my own experiences. As a way of letting my feelings just spill on paper. It makes me feel so much better, since i have a hard time sometimes trusting the people around me with things that bother me or that make me sad. I have been an idiot these past couple of months, its been so crazy. I've been only thinking about people who don't matter and people who don't care about me. My so called "friends" who mostly ended up backstabbing me or spreading rumors about me in school.

Its crazy the amount of things people can come up with just to be the center of attention for two minutes. I have let myself go, and forgot what my true purpose was and who I should be putting all my trust and confidence into. I forgot about God.

Ever since I can remember, I have tried to carry things on my own back without counting on anyone. This has led me to make many mistakes throughout my life, mistakes that I could have avoided if only I stopped and talked to people that really mattered. But I can be so hard headed at times... I look back and in moments where I had no idea what to do, I still managed to keep quiet and that was the worst mistake I could have ever done.

I started partying and relying on people who did not care for me one single bit. My so called "friends" who happened to leave my life as fast as they came in it. Its so sad whenever I think about this, because I managed to actually be there for every single one of them and they never were truly there for me. Nevertheless, I felt like it made me a great person to be there when I was needed but once again forgot about myself.

I was blind. I can't trust anyone but one person besides my family of course... He's been like an angel fallen from heave to me. I've talked about him before in another 2 posts, because he is seriously just so amazing. The fact that he is able to be there no matter what, despite the fact that he is so many miles away from me is just a blessing. He's managed to make me talk and open up; I've been so closed up since I have been hurt so many times before I just can't really thank him enough.

Its like God knew, who to put in my way to help me through everything. I can't thank God enough for making him a part of my life and keeping him there. A real friend, the only real friend that I don't really have to hesitate to think about when I call him a friend. He's just the best.

So, in moments where I don't know what to do I turn to him and I turn to God now. Before doing anything I think to myself what would God think about what I am doing...
Whenever I just need someone to listen, or just hear me up I know my best friend will be there.

God has been so good to me, and I've been so blind... He's given me all the tools to succeed and I've just decided to do the wrong things with them. To ignore him, to just push him out of my life when I needed him the most. I've been trying to be so smart, I have made myself look so stupid! I wanted to take the power over my life, when I am not prepared to do it all by myself.

If there is something that I have learned in the past couple of years is the fact that I don't HAVE to do everything on my own. That it is okay to really ask for help sometimes and I have to thank God once again for finally making me realize this and for giving me such an amazing best friend to be there by my side at all times. To give me such a wonderful family, even though I have also managed to keep quiet from them.

I know what I have to do now, I know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. If we were designed to live this life and be on our own, there wouldn't be as many people in the world. I am on the road to continue making myself the best I can be, and with God's help I know anything is possible. He's watching over me and I decide to make HIM a part of my life, because he's the road to success. Without him, nothing is really possible and I know that I will be the best I can be as long as I have him in my life and I also know that I will make less mistakes and be able to stand up stronger if I fall.

I bring him into my life because he's the light at the end of my tunnel.