A battle with forever.

Smiles fade as the picture has been taken,
Everyone starts their lives back again- faking.
Pretending to be actors,
Of their own imaginary factors.

There's the mother trying to keep the bonds together,
Thinking about her promise to forever,
And how she can make it work,
Not breaking the previous promise she had made.

She hides her hurt with smiles,
Misleading everyone around.
She fights and fights,
But cries through every night.

There is a father who is smiling at his child,
And after the picture is taken goes out for a bottle of wine.
Not any different in any way,
Its just a dejavu of what happens everyday.

He hides in his addictions,
To try and keep his image up to his competition.
He keeps himself away,
Trying not to think of how much forever will make him pay.

There is the husband's sister,
Living with this family makes her bitter.
Once the flash has finally faded,
The truth in her watery eyes is stated.

She just went through breaking a promise to forever,
Has a kid that she has to pull together.
Both live in this house of insanity,
Both living in fear of being tricked by forever.

Her mom left many years ago,
She's had to take care of her sister ever since.
And they both live in this house of broken smiles,
Just to give a show to whoever watches.

All trying to get one another,
And often forgetting about each other.
Somewhere in between the lines of war,
The happiness of the two little ones seems far.

One promise broken to forever,
Gets the crowd together,
And they observe with disgust,
That woman who has broken the trust.

The husband tries to keep his promise,
But his sister is going insane,
And he's too busy attending to the bottle's demands,
So he usually forgets and has no spare hands.

Everyday screams are heard from the walls of the apartment,
Even though silence is apparent.
You can hear the beating of the children and the breaking of glass,
Though everyone pictures them as high class.

Ironic how the family portrait just shows what others can see,
Showing that impressions are often not what they seem.
We'll see if forever is kept this time around,
Before happiness no longer can be found.

UNmeaningful words

How many times have we heard I love you?  How many times have we heard that we're special? How many times have we heard that we're different than the rest?
The true meaning of I love you has lost its value, because its not being used in the proper way. People who have no idea what true love is are saying these words as if they came for free and without consequence. Words have lost so much of their meaning in the past decade and have managed to affect different important aspects of society. Communication, relationships and learning have been greatly affected because of this change in meaning.

Fewer and fewer couples actually stay together these days, they get pressured and tired of each other too fast. But here is something to think about... what starts fast, ends fast. Relationships are not born over night, and they are not based on looks or money. Problem with us teenagers is that we fall in love with the idea of falling in love and our hormones don't really help us in this process. We fall easily for that one person who shows that he cares and who says all the things we want to hear. Endless load of meaningful words and promises fill our ears and we fall for all of it. We fall at first because what we hear has a big meaning to us and we would not be able to say these words without truly feeling this way, nevertheless that is not always the same from the person saying these words.

As a little girl I used to look forward to meeting my prince charming... innocence is a big thing. The only reason why innocence is so valuable is  because we have no idea what is really going on in the world and we have this fantasy world in our minds where everything is good and we all have happy endings. We did not understand words and their meanings and things were so much simpler. We understood the things that were necessary at the time for us, the things we needed to simply survive. Those times were easy times, just because we had no idea on what was going on... and sometimes being naive to our world is not that bad at all. Relationships are a lot easier to maintain when you are younger and conflicts are resolved playing rather than with speaking. Communication not always makes relationships easier to maintain, in fact it can make things more complicated.

As kids our world is perfect, no troubles and no concerns on anything else than toys and what we'll be eating today. Sometimes we look back at those days and wish we could go back to that for at least a day, I certainly do. The times where you did not have to think about the intentions that your friends might have to play with you, times where you did not care about what other people thought and you could be brutally honest and not care what people thought of what you said... Good days indeed. Days where we did not think about what we were going to say and how that next person was going to take it.

Problem with current times is how words have lost their meaning and have just been reduced to simply non valued words. Words do not have the same meaning that they had before because people have just used important words so commonly that they have just lost their importance. We're so used of saying and hearing "I love you" that it doesn't even mean the same anymore, its use is underrated.

We misuse words everyday, exaggerating what we truly are feeling and what we want. All of this influences how the next generation views words. Even inappropriate words have entered our everyday language, becoming more common around the world. Song lyrics even contain these inappropriate words, and young kids find themselves singing along to these songs, without understanding the true meaning of what they are saying. As we grow up, these words take up a different meaning in our minds, becoming sometimes far off from what its meaning was last decade.

Words are so important, that they can even change history. As society changes and with us our language, past history changes with us. Events in our minds happen in a different way or might have a different meaning to us. As words meanings change, we see our past differently making history even opinionated at times.

We often forget the true meaning of words, making communication so much more complicated. Conversations, relationships and learning are greatly affected by these changes in the meanings of our words and lead to misunderstandings.

Authentic

Where have the genuine people in the world gone to?
I have stopped searching for the truth.
People who seem your friends suddenly change their faces,
Its like to fool, you, they were chasing.

I am sick,
All they want is for you to be tricked.
Into believing they are who you think they are,
And just when you think you have, that image turns far.

In a world full of appearance,
I feel like the best thing is disappearance.
Being alone can't hurt you,
I wanna overthrow them in an army coup.

Dizzy and confused,
Dont know where to look.
Help I ask from above,
Because I can't do this alone.

No one can hurt me if I'm alone,
I wish I could have all control.
I take my hands and pray,
I want things to change.

But they don't,
The world keeps being like it is.
But to something I conclude I must succeed,
And that is... to myself proceed.

I might be a lot of things,
But I know who I am.
I will not let myself down,
Just because you think you are wearing the king's crown.

Rumors spill,
And people through my heart drill.
I thought I knew you,
But I confused you.

You took advantage of my trust,
And all I can do is look you with disgust.
You're vile,
And I just think you should get some kind of trial.

Words of who you are come out your mouth,
While you keep looking at the south.
Because you can't stare at other's people's eyes,
Since they would know you've lied.

But its all part of your plan,
To start up a clan.
Followers following the wrong leader,
For your kind I need no kind of meter.

Your words are sharp,
My words you warp.
You bend them into your own scenes,
Of things that have never been seen.

My life turns into your show,
Full of sculptures and scenes made up of snow.
You have bend them from my words I see,
But once again surprised I may seem.

As if I did not know what you would do,
I guess thats another one I had to prove.
Another test to try and show,
That all of you aren't made of snow.

But again I prove you have no mercy,
This must be your show's anniversary.
A pleasant circus you show the world,
My words are swirled.

Your world is made up of your words,
Made up of dramatizations of scenes that never happened.
You forget about what you want,
And give in to please what others wish to get.

You are so involved in your little scenes,
You forget about what's really real.
So you doubt in your own words,
You start believing the twisted snow scenes.

And you become a part of that imaginary world,
Your script is unfurled.
But the lines of lies are still apparent,
No matter what you do they don't go away.

Permanent marks on your script you have left,
Forever to follow you like debt.
Now you want to take back words that you said,
But no one believes in words that are dead.

Your story turns black and your world turns gray,
So I decide to stay.
Again I want to give you a chance,
So I let my conscience dance.

I want to prove myself wrong,
Not everyone can be bad.
Not everyone can be bad.
Until the truth hits me and its sad.

Your scripts have taken over my world,
But not my dignity.
Your scripts have taken over the people I thought I loved,
But I can still see a dove.

You might have won the battle,
But I'm winning the war.
So clip those lips and shut those stage red curtains,
The show is over until I say action.

Taking over my show,
But not for everyone I know.
Only for those who are at the front row,
The rest can just go.

I have the power right now,
I will be the one to throw.
I wish that I would have listened before,
Once again from the world I close my door.

I will trust myself,
And I look at all the books on my shelf.
Gonna find some new adventures in them,
And cut this world from the stem.

Sick and tired of the scripts,
My story to my heart I have clipped.
As long as I know what is in there,
I don't need the world to be fair.

Because I know what is in my heart notes,
But I hate the sounds from their throats.
So I close up and stop listening,
My heart starts glistening.

Must keep walking,
Forget about the shows.
Its time for you to know,
That I should go.

3g0

You have muscles,
In class you struggle.

You're scared of the dark,
From reality you keep running.

You live in the society dream,
Your life leading into the wrong stream.

You think you're hot,
You're so not.

You think you're so smart,
When your mind from reality is so damn far.

Today you think you're so cool,
You look like a fool.

You stare at the world as if was inferior,
But when reality hits, it will hit you like a meteor.

You think you rule the world,
When the world rules you.

For some reason I still wish you all the best,
When I know that's not what you'll get.






You think that the world owes you something? Think again... It was here before you. It owes you nothing.

One step forward twelve back

I take a step forward,
Feeling kind of awkward.
I still feel like its right,
I feel like success I can bite.

But I doubt,
And my reason starts to shout.
I start to just think out loud,
I wonder if I should just back-out.

I weigh my chances,
And I start to lose balance.
I'm starting to feel dizzy,
But everyone to notice is to busy.

I am afraid I might trip,
But my lips I zip.
I manage to take the step,
But thoughts intercept.

I don't know what to say,
But I think I just need to obey.
I weigh again my options,
Thinking of the signs of caution.

I should have just made the steps without thinking,
Connections I start linking.
Its hard to understand what I am feeling,
With thousand of unresolved thoughts I am dealing.

I won't be here forever,
But I don't want to look back and think I said the word never.
I refuse to let this one go,
But I am unsure if I should just go with the flow.

I dont know what to do,
Of nothing I have a clue.
I wonder why I can't just walk ahead,
And I run out of things to say.

One step at a time,
Slowly I know I can make it.
But fear I have of falling,
And I feel my past calling.

So I forget about of taking that step,
And I run away.
One step forward,
Twelve steps back.

Just a dream

I think about you and me,

I can smell the flowers in the breeze. 

Everything is just as its supposed to be,

All perfect is what I see.

I wonder when my eyes will open again,

As my ego is in chains.

And finally myself I can show, 

Smiling I finally bow. 

I set my walls down,

I finally take off my crown.

I feel free somehow, 

Myself to fly through I allow. 

I let myself speak,

And forget if he might think I'm a freak.

I let the words flow, 

Through a reflection I see myself glow. 

I can stare into your eyes, 

To you I can never really lie. 

I've never had to say anything,

You already knew everything.

A perfect day indeed, 

But for you to say something I need.

And before you can say any words I can hear,

Everything turns too clear. 

Your image starts to fade away,

I wish you could have stayed. 

The light comes too bright to be able to see,

All I can do is agree.

I hear a voice, 

To open my eyes I have no choice.

Its so unfair, I want to scream!

It was only a dream.

Repetition

You watch the rain drops through your window and you think about yesterday.
You daydream about how things used to be and how they have changed.
Yesterday it was sunny.
Today is rainy.
How could in a matter of hours something change so drastically.
From all sunny, to all rainy.
From all happy, to all sad.
From all good, to all complicated.
Why?
So tears start falling down your eyes.
As they have done days before yesterday.
And you see in your head a little girl.
She's long gone now but you can relate to her.
You still feel like her.
You still have the same heart.
But you are not her anymore.
Reality has hit you that she is long gone,
Just like one day you will be too.
Your stages you look back at,
With a sense of wanting to go back there.
But that road you have already taken,
And you know you will never look back.
You're looking for a way into finding a sunny day again.
And then you finally remember...
There are rainy days and there are sunny days.
But there cannot be rainbows without either.

Youth is wasted on the young

We've got the tools,
And still decide to act like fools.
We have the youth,
And we know the truth.

And still knowing the truth,
We decide to be uncouth.
And we let the world decide for us,
We just enjoy the fuss.

We decide to hide in the shadows,
And forget about the meadows.
About the beautiful,
And stick to what's more colorful.

Not all that shines is gold,
And its nothing but cold.
We focus on the fake,
And then wonder why people hate.

We see everyday,
But we forget to look.
We hear everyday,
But we forget to listen.

Hardheaded small people,
Who think that the world revolves around them.
Who think that the world owes them something,
And then cry when the world starts cutting.

Youth is wasted on the young,
To their inexperience they are clung.
And learn nothing but of themselves,
and book just stay on their shelves.

We all waste time,
And forget about what's prime.
Today is too late to regret,
Life is not a game you can just reset.

Keys

Every single one of them produces a distinct sound,
It can leave anyone astound.
A magical sound is produced,
And in a trance of beauty you're induced.

Impossible to understand the feeling,
You can just feel your heart healing.
You feel like every part in your body starts to feel numb,
And you wonder if you're just being dumb.

You feel as if love you could breathe,
As if from that spot you did not want to leave.
And wounds start healing,
with unresolved things you start dealing.

In a trance of happiness you feel transported,
And you can feel the puzzle is being sorted.
The weight off your shoulders is lightened,
And your day is suddenly brightened.

Inspiration is flowing through your veins,
And you feel the disappearance of all your pains.
The melody keeps singing in your brain,
You start to feel more sane.

Your fingers keep moving,
You just feel as if you were improving.
You feel like they're being more approving,
And all your pains it starts removing.

Time is slowing,
But your fingers keep singing.
You completely forget about tears,
And you start to accept your fears.

Inspiration keeps flowing through your veins,
And tears it starts to rain.
All your pain being washed away,
And you start thinking about the bay.

Slowly the melody disappears,
And again you start to see clear.
Such feeling must be a crime,
But mountains you feel you can climb!

Your fingers slow down,
And time goes back to its own pace.
To reality you are brought back,
Life never gives you slack.

Gun shot

In the past he was an innocent boy.
He was with the wrong people he thought he would enjoy.
At the wrong place he was.
And it was the wrong time to break the laws.

He broke the laws of his mind,
And thought that everything would be fine.
He wanted to fit in,
Thats the excuse he used to give.

Yesterday they sentenced him for life,
Just because he did not think twice.
At the time it all seem right,
And to his conscience he gave a big fight.

In the car he got in with guys who were drunk,
Guys who subjects had flunk.
Guys who had guns,
And who were just in it for the run.

He was too innocent to know,
So he just went with the flow.
And so the boys got the guns to rob a bank,
He always blamed it on how much they drank.

He did not know of their plans,
He was just looking to be one of the gang.
He did not know what was going on,
But now its too late, its all gone.

Today he regrets getting in the car,
And he wishes he did not spend half his life in a bar.
Ironic now he will never be outside bars,
And his decisions are there as permanent scars.






"Tell me who you hang out with, and I will tell you who you are"

Blank inspiration

I sit down and try and write down what's going through my head,
But my pen does not write, enough said.
Its ink is intact but my hand does not move,
My head does not know what to do.

I have everything I need,
But I fail to succeed.
Different colored pens, and papers are laid on my table,
But of no writing I am able.

I am so lost in my own world,
and everything seems curled.
My thoughts are messed,
I feel so stressed!

I used to write pages without thinking,
And now I feel like everything is just sinking.
In a boat where I have no destination,
I need a talent donation.

Its the wrong time,
But its not as sour as lime.
In fact its sweet,
I've never been more on my feet.

I continue to hide,
What I feel inside.
Not willingly but because I have no choice,
I've lost my voice.

I silently scream what I need you to know,
But outside its starting to snow.
I don't feel cold,
And again the pen I hold.

It does not write,
I still think that it might.
But nothing happens and I give up,
Put my pen away and my papers.

Once again I was unable to write what I wanted,
And by what I left unsaid I am haunted.
Thoughts scream at me,
But I ignore them happily.

Its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you,
But no one's got a clue.
And the one's who can tell are just a few,
But I take a different pen and paper and write something new.

A hit to the soul

You’ve known him for years,

And you’ve gone through so many nights of tears.

You’ve thought about leaving more than once,

But never managed the thought of being gone.

For some reason you think that the last time would be the last,

And in your mind you think it’s all in the past.

He hurt you badly last time,

But you blame yourself for not being sufficiently nice.

In a corner you cry,

Waiting for the next big fight.

You wonder if you’re going to die,

You really just want to fly.

You tell yourself that you will be fine,

And that the last time was the last time.

But you can’t stare at the door too long,

And to distract yourself you start singing a song.

But you remember he doesn’t like when you sing,

And so you shut your mouth quickly and forget blink.

You’re hands are shaking,

As dinner you are making.

His favorite dinner you are preparing,

You’re wondering if things will start changing.

You convince yourself that changes he is making,

And that it’s not all just him faking.

And you hear his footsteps through the door,

Your hearing has become extra sensitive since the time he accidentally pushed you to the floor.

You hear him approaching the kitchen,

And you start moving around like a chicken.

Your eyes start tearing,

And your hands start shaking tremendously.

You drop the pan to the floor,

And you wonder if he will push you out the door.

You burned your hand,

But it isn’t the reason for your tearing.

The pain in your heart is overpowering,

And hysterically you do not stop crying.

You put your burned hand in your mouth,

And beg yourself to please shut up,

He hates it when you cry,

He’s going to get mad.

You know what happens when he gets mad,

And you drop to the floor flat.

Anger you can feel coming in the room,

And to make you feel better you start thinking about the moon.

He raises his hands and dances with you towards the kitchen table,

But you know that of worse turns than this he is capable.

He dances with your body practicing new moves with his fists,

And tears you can’t resist.

You say that he has changed,

And that this dance you deserved.

Pain you feel on your neck,

But you know you deserved the peck.

The dinner was bad and that’s why he got mad,

And to the floor to cry you just fall flat.

Lovingly he grabs onto your neck and whispers in your ear,

How this is all your fault and how you should not fear.

But you don’t back out,

You still are waiting for change and change never comes.

You just stay in your room,

And to make you feel better you keep thinking of the moon.

Your heart hurts and your eyes have not stopped crying,

But you say that he’s hit you again without trying.

Over and over again you go through the events that caused you pain,

And everyday you doubt if you’re still sane.

You shake every single day wondering what excuse he’s going to make,

You just want to run away.

But you think things are going to change,

And again you doubt if you’re still sane.

You crumble into a small ball in your carpet floor,

Just wishing for him not to open the door.

You wonder if he could see you from where he was standing,

And again without further notice his fists in your face are landing.

That was his last beating,

You knew he would never touch you again.

You tell yourself that you are fine,

But your head is more than dizzy this time.

This time your silent screams are heard,

And your neighbors start getting concerned.

They have not seen you in days,

But somehow the bills are still being paid.

He leaves you in the corner,

And you wonder if it’s finally over.

You feel nothing anymore,

But your body is not responding.

You tell your muscles to work,

But this time there’s nothing you can do.

You wonder if someone will find you before its too late,

And you wonder why there is light if it’s not day.

You never spoke up,

You kept your mouth shut.

And today others are doing the same,

Wondering if they are still sane.

They all know what happens when he gets mad,

And they drop to the floor knowing what will happen.

The can feel the same anger coming in the room,

And to make them feel better they start thinking of the moon.

They look at the moon as if it was their last hope of light,

And they forget to put up a fight.

Then it becomes too late,

All because they believed he was part of their fate.

There is never, EVER an excuse for a man to lay hands on a woman. There are millions of women who are being abused of everyday. If you know of anyone who is being abused in any way, speak up; you never know if you are saving someone's life by doing so.

Loving the thought of love

With my eyes I see who I want to see,

This is too perfect not to come with some kind of fee.

He’s sweet and he’s nice,

Different than what you usually can find.

It seems too perfect to be true,

And you start to be unsure.

Signs of a different person appear with time,

But you still convince yourself that everything is going to be just fine.

A transformation occurs in front of your eyes,

But you tell yourself its all lies.

And suddenly his attitude changes,

But no, you still think your hallucinating.

You still want to believe that he’s who you thought he was,

And then you just get hurt when you see he’s not,

You blame yourself for his transformation,

As if you did not have the whole pack of information.

You know he lied to you,

And dumb you feel for falling.

He was never who you thought you saw,

And this completely different image of him I can draw.

You’re already in love,

And you forget to use your brain and think with your heart.

That’s your mistake.

Cuz your heart thinks not of wrong choices you are about to make.

So, you cry

And you beg to see change.

But nothing changes,

And you’re just left with a broken heart.

It was all a lie,

And you try to just feel better by eating pie.

But nothing seems to work,

He’s already a jerk.

He fills you with promises of change,

But you can’t seem to stay.

Your heart is too hurt,

So, you just move away.

Today you’re still the reason why it was over,

And from all the stares you must take cover.

But you know the right thing you have done,

Since if I had to choose to be with that again, I’d prefer to be all alone.

Sometimes you think you know someone, people that have been years in your life at times, and with one single decision they prove you wrong. It’s just terrifying the fact that sometimes we see people how we want to see them and not how they really are. There are millions of people who happen to be double faced and lack personality. These are the scary people in the bunch.

They transform and adapt to what you want or need of them, sometimes becoming our best friends since they are able to agree with our opinions and seem to understand us the best. At times, we just can’t really see beyond what we want to see because we already have become so close to this person.

But eventually true colors shine, and their lack of personality starts to make them vulnerable to being influenced easily sometimes by the worst of things. Think twice before choosing the people who form an important part and make sure that they are authentically who they say they are. Never trust too fast, you will regret it later. 

I am here

I cant promise you happiness,
since I have no control over the uncertainties of life.
I cant promise you that everything is going to be okay,
because I can't promise things I am not certain of.
I cant promise you that life will be easy from this point on,
because I'd be lying.
I can't promise that I will always be there,
since there are unexpected things that can happen that I cant control.
I cant promise that things will be better,
because I cannot promise what I don't know.
I cant promise that people wont let you down,
simply because I never know true intentions.

There are things that I can't promise, and that I could say to make you feel better but I won't because I don't like lying.
But there are things that I can promise.

I cant promise you happiness,
But I promise to work on my best to keep a smile on your face.
I cant promise you everything is going to be okay,
But I can promise you that here I will stay.
I cant promise that life will be easy from this point on,
But I can promise that this is a battle you have won.
I can't promise you that I will always be there,
But I can promise to try.
I cant promise that things will be better,
But I can promise to be by your side and hold your hand.
I cant promise you that people won't let you down,
But I can promise that I'll do my best not to.


When your world is falling apart, and all you feel like giving up...
I am here.
I cannot take away the open scars left by past wounds,
But I am here to clean them up and take care of them until they heal.

You don't need to carry everything alone.
I am here.

A wishing star

When at night we look at the sky,
We wonder how and why?
As if the sky were to answer us back, we cry.

Tears of confusion draw lines in our face,
They come down as if they were on a race,
You just wish you could go at your own pace.

We hold our hands to pray,
And we just wish for a new day,
We just want the pain to go away.

Our hearts beat faster than they ever had,
We just feel really sad,
And we remember we're mad!

Our stomachs hurt from betrayal,
And our hearts start to fail,
our faces look pail.

We look at the sky once again,
As if the stars were going to explain,
We look above trying to complain.

But we stare without moving,
As if things by themselves were to start improving,
And then we feel like everyone is disapproving.

You can hear our heartbeat's sound,
We still feel like we're gonna breakdown,
And it makes us look like clowns.

Once more we wish on a wishing star,
And we sing for honesty with our guitar,
But those wishes seem so far.

But wishes on the star never come true,
And dates are still going to be due,
So you better start putting things together with your own glue.

One thousand friends

You want to be surrounded by people to feel like you are being loved, but we fall into this stereotype where in order to show the world that we are the happiest we need to be surrounded by the most people. We then forget that not everyone thinks in the same way and that not everyone has the best of intentions. Sometimes we know, but we do not want to believe it because in our minds it is what its asked from us in order to fit in. We want to fit in and stand out at the same time, as if having the greater amount of people around you meant anything.

We then surround ourselves with people who are so much more different than us, to show the world that we are so much more special because we happen to be surrounded with the most people. As if people actually cared about that... People are selfish, and people who just want to show the world how great they are, usually the most selfish. Hanging around people like this make us weak, we fall into the trend of the "cool" and forget about the people who truly matter to us.

The one funny thing is that those who are surrounded my the most amount people are usually the most lonely. It is ironic in fact that the ones who want to show off how loved they are are those who don't get love at all. They try to please everyone, failing at it. Having so many different friends creates all types of confusion because they cannot possibly keep true to who they are with every single one of them. And we end up forgetting about who we truly are in order to please everyone else.

A choice...

Having a thousand friends can never replace having a real friend.
Because out of those thousand friends...

There will probably not be one that you can really count on. And what is the whole point of making the world believe that we are happy when we truly are not? And we keep falling for the trap and believing that those with the greater amount of people in their lives are the happiest. Its one of the tricks the world plays on you. Plus, out of those thousand friends you'll find some that are probably the wrong people to be around, some who are just there for your money, some who are just there to take advantage of who you are and some who really are not your friends but pretend to be.


Among those one thousand friends...
There will be people who say they care but do not care at all.
People who lie to you in your face and smile at your jokes but behind your back they don't stop talking about you.
People who manage to be in your life everyday and always seem distant.
People who just want something to talk about.
People who don't truly like you.
People who want to hurt you.
People who are jealous of who you are.
People who want your money.
People who want to change you.

Or you could choose to have one friend...

One who is there for you.
Who trusts you
Who cares about you every step of the way.
One friend who wants to hold your hand through the bad times and the good also.
Who will be there no matter what.
Who knows you and who can tell when there's something wrong with you even though you say no words.
Who loves you for who you are.
Who can accept you with all your flaws.
Who you can be yourself with.


I rather have one friend than a thousand friends. I rather have no friends than to be untrue to who I am.
I refuse to change for the world.

Afraid of light

People are usually afraid of the future.
I am more afraid of today than tomorrow, because today is certain and the future is just a possibility.

Afraid of the things they don't know,
I'm more afraid of not using the things I do know wisely.

Afraid of death and things they've never experienced before.
I'm afraid of having lived and not learning of my mistakes.

They are afraid of inexistent monsters.
I am afraid of real people rather than imaginary monsters because real people can hurt me and imaginary monsters can't.

Afraid of the world coming to an end.
I'm more afraid of the world staying the same.

People are afraid of change,
I'm more afraid of the thought of absence of change because then better things would not be able to happen.

People are afraid of what others might say of them.
I'm not afraid of words because words can't hurt me but actions can.

People are afraid of what people think of them.
I'm afraid of what I think of myself.

People are afraid of other people ruining their chances for success.

I'm afraid of being the reason why I don't succeed. 

People are afraid of the dark.

I am afraid of the light because I might be seeing but not looking.

I am more afraid of today than tomorrow,
Because today is certain and the future is just a possibility.

Fear take over their lives, and they forget to live.



I might be fearful but I happen to be brave and being brave is not living in the absence of fear but it is the overcoming of fear and not letting it take over your life. 
I live overcoming my fears everyday, and not letting them make decisions for me
because if there is one thing I have learned is that nothing can stand in your way but yourself. 

"A dReAmEd Childhood"

How many people are lucky enough to have their grandparents still in their lives? Not so many right?
I am one of the lucky ones to have both of my grandparents still with me. Not only this, but I have the most amazing grandparents ever! They are no regular old fashioned and boring grandparents, no no no! If you were thinking about the type of grandparents who stay at home and read books and never go out you've got my grandparents wrong. I also have the most amazing aunts, uncles and cousins; all of which I still manage to stay in contact with also.

Growing up, I would say I probably had the dream childhood. I was close to all members of my family, and family life really made up a big part of my life. Christmas, weekends and holidays were always spent with the entire family, which made room for so much fun and memorable moments. The good thing about our family is that every day that we spend together is a day where things are special. I got to share with every single one of them and enjoyed the time with my cousins, especially the one that was closest in age with me.

One of the things that I really enjoyed about these reunions was the amount of things that one could talk about and just really having fun knowing that these were people who were always going to be in your life and who cared about you. We always played jokes on each other and there were fights (what do you expect? this is not fantasy! plus... there are hormones involved since we were mostly all in our teens!) but we always got over it really fast.





Its like every week it was something to look forward to, its like having Disney World every week, its how it felt. I enjoyed just every single moment, where we would just sit around the table and talk about what was happening with all of us and the great things that had happened throughout the week. The "grown-ups" would always take over the conversation and the "kids" would always say a couple of things and then go to have their own conversations. The girls would go somewhere to talk and usually the boys went to play some kind of video game or play outside. We were divided like that most of the times, but managed to come across certain moments where we would all end up in the pool playing games we made up.

When I moved to Manila, after living in Dominican Republic for most of my life the one thing that was hard was leaving them and the rest of my family. For some reason when I mention family people assume I am speaking of my parents and siblings but fail to understand that when I say my family I mean my entire family (including aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, close friends, etc). And leaving them to come to Manila was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

I was used to seeing them at least two times a week, and when I came here the one thing I was scared about was not being able to communicate with them. Everything turned out perfectly though, my grandparents turned into technological grandparents and created accounts for everything (skype, facebook, gmail, etc). So, I still talk to them and can send my hellos every once in a while. My aunts and uncles also created skype accounts where we can always keep in touch. And well... my cousins and I have facebook, msn, gmail, hotmail, yahoo, oovoo, etc to make things easier for us to communicate. I don't talk to my cousins as often but when I do, we manage to just go right back where we were before. Its as if growing up has not affected the love and care we have for one another.

Memories like going to the mountains with my family, to the beach or just to a simple restaurant on a weekend are things that I treasure greatly and that I would never for anything. Things that are invaluable to the person that I have become today. Leaving just made me realize even more how important each and every single member of my family is to me, and it just showed me the importance in my life even today when I am at such a long distance from them.

The memories of my childhood are memories that I will never forget. Things were not perfect and they will never be but they were perfect in my mind. When I think back, I think of all the things that made up my week from the fights to the laughs and I look at every single part of it with a smile on my face. Memories and experiences that I will never forget and will keep me company for the rest of my life, people who I will be able to look up to forever because they are all the example of the people I want to become.

People and places I will never forget, and who are a part of me until today...

Purple flower

She saved her money wisely,
She would know what to say just exactly,
And she said "never let anything distract thee."

She would show me right from wrong.
I remember just wanting to go along,
Whenever she was around I felt like I belong.

She was sweet,
As sweet as when chocolate and sugar meet,
She was so neat.

Her upper lip was invisible,
And she would always color it with pencil,
As if she needed it, she was truly beautiful.

She had many more years than I did,
But she was far from boring,
Everyone just loved her.

She had golden and white hairs on her head,
And she always liked all her meals to have bread,
She always made me want to look ahead.

She had the most beautiful eyes,
They surely never lied,
But they always knew what was wrong with me, they were little spies.

She was just a happy soul,
Full of colorful stories to share,
Everyone would just want to stare.

And one day I saw the change in her eyes,
She could not stare into mine,
And that's when I knew everything was not fine.

She stopped eating,
She started hiding,
I knew they were lying.

And one day during the summer,
On the early morning I woke up feeling different,
I knew she was not with me anymore.

And I looked at my cousin with tears falling,
I could hear everyone calling,
While I just felt like crying.

I was a kid then,
But even then I knew she was a gem,
I felt like a rose being cut from the stem.

I knew that I would not see her again,
I just felt like I needed to complain!
But I needed to contain.

And so I never would see her,
But she was in me I was sure,
And that thought made it easier to endure.

I knew she would not want to see me crying,
So to stop crying I was trying,
And I knew that from somewhere she was eyeing.

She was looking over me,
So I looked at her picture happily,
I knew that was the least I could do.

I would miss her that was a given;
But in the right direction, she had made me driven,
I knew that she would be forgiving.

It was okay to miss her,
As long as it was with a smile of joy that's for sure,
I knew then that I was more mature.

So, I took my last look into her face;
A small purple flower in her hands I placed,
And I finally I moved away at my own pace.

In my mind I said my final goodbye,
I said I love you with tears in my eyes,
I knew everything would be alright.

I knew I would never forget that last summer,
But even today even though she is not around,
Her memory still manages to make me smile.


 "I love you"

In memory of one of the most amazing women that I have ever met. 
Rosario

Circus

Time for the party,
Lets pretend to be smarty,
And to look cool lets be tardy.

Lets dress up for halloween,
Lets look all mean,
Lets be the worst the world has seen.

We look in the mirror,
And when we stare we have to look nearer,
As if we saw a new us, someone clearer.

And we put on our blush,
Which is just meant to give us a rush,
Just to make others believe we have blushed.

And then we put on our costume,
We want to impress and look awesome,
As if we had just blossom.

And for that night the world believes,
And we feel achieved,
So, we breathe.

The costume is tight on you,
But its not like anyone has a clue,
and to forget you drink more booze.

It comes to the end of the night;
And you scared many, thats right,
Its as if you could have started a fight.

And as you try and pull down the zipper,
The costume doesn't come off and you try it quicker,
And the zipper breaks and you suddenly become a kicker.

The costume has become part of your skin;
And now you've become what it is, within,
Nothing to do but just give in.

Your make up is as well stuck like a mask,
And no matter what you do it really will last,
Aren't you happy now? You've become part of the cast.

We scream because we want to get out,
But the smile painted on your face leaves you in doubt,
You feel like you just want to shout.

But the costume restrains you from moving in the wrong way,
It keeps you from running away,
And it makes the world believe in who you are for another day.

And yet you are trapped,
But still the world clapped,
In the inside it just felt like you were slapped.

And while looking in the mirror,
You fight with yourself to get out of the costume,
You take all the fake away.

You stare at your reflection; you take a knife and destroy the costume,
Then you hear a BOOM!,
And then you notice your reflection has not moved.

Consumed in a world of appearance,

we chose to be adherent,

And start becoming incoherent. 

The destroyers

It gives us shelter,
And we destroy it.

It meets our needs
and we ignore it.

And no matter how much we know,
we just remember to please ourselves.

And then it becomes a destroyer,
and there's no way we can get help from a lawyer.

Then we complain about its cruelty
when we thought of it not once before.

The waters rise,
And the sky cries.

And the trash consumes its floors,
And we slowly run out of hiding spots.

We happen to know what we are doing to ourselves,
It happens to be in our own bookshelves.

But no, we decide to ignore that,
Just to live more like spoiled brats.

We make our surroundings scream,
And everything just becomes pure heat.

The ice kingdoms melt away,
And things start to disappear.

What we knew is no longer in existence,
Now all we can do is look from a distance.

As we destroy what keeps us alive,
And to try and forget we decide to go out for a drive.

Mental Hospital

Walls covered in white,
You put up a fight,
And you see a flying kite.

You keep fighting the straitjacket,
Wanting to just fly in a rocket,
And forget you have the key in your own pocket.

All you see is the everything of nothing,
And you're afraid of what's coming,
But all you do is keep humming.

You move from side to side,
As if you were on a mind adventure ride,
And then you remember you were lied.

You keep pushing against the jacket,
But its impossible in your mind to set yourself free,
So you give in and forget about the key.

All you hear is silence,
And it reminds you of all the violence,
and you keep dancing to the thought of pain.

You push harder and harder against the material,
Until your arms hurt and you're dripping in sweat,
But nothing really changed.

Frustration comes into play,
And you wish the past could have stayed,
All that is left to do is pray.

All alone and by yourself you wonder why you?
And try to put together the clues,
Trying to get away from the obvious and the news.

Tears fall down your eyes,
Everything you've tried has been a lie,
You really just feel like you want to die.

And then you get used to the straitjacket,
We stop fighting it and adjust,
As if we needed more than just lust.

We are imprisoned in our own minds,
and we become completely blind,
but we search until answers we can find.

And we give up,
And in our minds we sweeten things with syrup,
More than enough.

The truth is too much to bare,
And the things we have found sound absurd,
so we decide to keep our knowledge altered.

While seeing a flying kite,
You stop putting a fight,
And now you just enjoy the ride.

Forgetting once again about the key in your pocket,
A key that can set you free,
But you decide to keep on your knees.

Frustration comes into play,

And you wish the past could have stayed,

All that is left to do is pray.

Tears fall down your eyes,

Everything you've tried has been a lie,

You really just feel like you want to die.

We are imprisoned in our own minds,

and we become completely blind,

but we search until answers we can find.

Sober

What is there to be understood?
But things look like they should,
Everything seems so good.

Feeling dizzy and off balance,
It pulls inside this one dimension,
Another world in our mind thats full of complexion.

And once again we fall,
And we hear one more call,
We get distracted and forget about restriction walls.

As if we ever cared,
About anything else since we usually just stare,
But our minds are never truly there.

And we forget that time keeps ticking,
And the clock never stops clicking,
and the world never stops spinning.

We get distracted with the noise,
And later we just get annoyed,
We become paranoid.

Because we remember too late that time ran away,
But we never tried to make time stay,
And it does not stop no matter what we say.

We fall in a deep hypnosis,
And we forget about what we did yesterday,
As if it never mattered to your today.

And so we make decisions,
And we decide to stay all drunk,
Because it is easier to just play stupid than to act up.

Life control

I think that it is safe to say that we've all  heard the same punch lines about 2,000 times and never have they turned out to be completely true. Is it just another trick or is it sincere? Is it just another game or is this serious? Sometimes, we know what the truth is but fail to accept it and convince ourselves into believing what makes us feel better. Convincing ourselves into lies that end up hurting us, because knowingly we went into our own trap. The signs were there and we chose to ignore them. Who are we to blame but ourselves, when everything was there and we decided not to see it? 

We try and make things look the way that we want them to and at times we imagine things that are not really there. Our minds play games with the truth just to try and make reality less cruel or more on what we want it to be. Our wishes somehow become part of our reality, wishes that are not really concrete and real. We let ourselves fall into an abysm, with no end. Its as if things were not complicated enough as they are, I've mentioned before that the world plays tricks on us and makes us believe in a distorted reality but our own selves are much more dangerous than our environment.

We are our own enemy at times, we forget the things that should be important and replace them with desires of our bodies. Simple things as eating sweets and gaining weight show an unbalance of management to our own bodies; showing that one is being driven by pleasure rather than by need. We eat to live, we don't live to eat and sometimes there is a big confusion between these two. This being just one example of how we can become our own enemy in the most simple of things. 

Sometimes we make ourselves excuses not to do things that matter or that are a priority in our lives. Our minds create a distorted view of the reasons why you did not accomplish what you had intended to accomplish before. This takes the guilt out of us, since in our minds we have reasons why we just could not make what we had planned become a reality. Nevertheless, usually we make ourselves the victims and forget about the importance of the things that we have to do every single day. As if this was not enough, we make excuses in our head for everything. See if these sounds any familiar:

"I'll do that later, I've worked too hard today"

"I'm tired, I'll just rest today and do that tomorrow"

"I should do that work today but I have something else I need to do first... maybe tomorrow"

"I made him feel bad... but he started it"

"I did not attend to her birthday but she was not there for mine"

"I forgot the keys... my maid put them elsewhere so its her fault" 

We create excuses for everything we end up not doing. We create excuses of excuses about things that we cannot get done simply because we are lazy and don't want to get them done. If there is something you need to do, then there will be time for it since you will make time for it. There is no excuses of any kind in the things that have priority in your life. 

Are you going to really stop working because you're tired? No... because you need the money for food and other expenses. Same thing works here, there is simply no excuse not to do what you are supposed to be doing.

If there is no time, then you're wasting time. There is no such thing as "I did not have enough time to finish it",  its all a lie. There is enough time in a day to finish everything one has to get done but you just have to focus on the things that are more important first. One thing we tend to do is that we distract ourselves with silly things... 

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A 4 HOUR BREAK" or  a "break" off work every hour for unlimited minutes. The one reason why we fail so badly at getting our lives organized is because we simply just don't have a structure in our lives. We love procrastinating and leaving everything to the last minute, THEN we happen to just stress about things because they don't turn out as great as you wanted them to.

Then one says thats gonna change next time.. and it doesn't. 

We make excuses, we make our own image of ourselves and we are not able to see through our own mistakes and weaknesses for most part but this is all because we choose for things to be this way.

Time for a change?

The facebook addiction

Once again we have found one more thing to keep posted on everyone else's life. Is it really necessary to go and see what every other one of your friends is doing every second of every day? Now everyone has a camera, as if to show off to someone else how good or how privileged their lives are. Its all like hollywood, as if the new best profile picture would get some kind of price. As if living one's lives and treasuring every moment was not enough, we feel the urge to just post to the world our entire lives and sometimes that leads us to actually enjoy the moments that are important and lose so much time in the process of recording everything.

We have to face that the presence of facebook is helpful when you want to keep in contact with people you have not seen in a long time or people you just don't see everyday and want to keep as part of your life. Nevertheless, it has become apparent that facebook has made us more of stalkers than people who just want to be informed. It makes me wonder how many people actually sit around looking at their news feed to see the new statuses that go up or just to be informed about the new relationship status and pictures. Facebook has become such a big part of our lives, it has taken over it almost completely. It happens to be in our phones, computers, and basically in our minds for most part of the day.

Millions of people have facebook, and the reason why is not to connect with one another but to show off themselves. Its as if you were selling off to the people you know, who you are and wanting to compete with every other person that . happens to be around also. I myself was a facebook addict, I would go on it every instance I could, would leave it on for hours and just waited when I was bored for news about my friends. But it made me realize how much of stalkers we are when we use it, and no one can really say that they are not one because the things that one does on it are that of a stalker... and I know you could argue its something public and people decide to put that information out there but still it just makes up for drama, misinterpretations and gossip.

Nevertheless all those three things I just mentioned are the one reason why it is so popular, the truth is that people love to be informed about everything. Its as if knowing more people makes you a better person because it just shows you've been around more and have more friends.

More friends = to more popular = more loved = happier.

For some reason we always look up to the people who are the happiest, usually the ones who party the most and do all the crazy things seem to be enjoying the most and those are the people who we seem to look as our role models. But is it really true that they are happy? Again we fall for illusions, behind all of the "fun" there happens to be people who are insecure of themselves, and who just rely on what people think of them. They are obsessed with being the center of attention and if they are doing all the crazy things (heavy drinking, late partying, drugs) then they are surely on their way of getting what they want.

And somehow we can never be completely happy with our own lives, and we end up throwing away the things that really matter to implement the things that we think will make us happier and just end up ruining us even more. This is not due to facebook, its what we make out of it that brings the worst in us. Human nature is just completely sad and annoying, we do things to get ourselves in situations where we then cannot get out of and end up making decisions that we will most likely regret later. And no matter how much someone tells you what I am telling you, or how many times you hear it; its as if you needed to go through all of it yourself in order to believe it.

So its pointless to tell you my own experience, but less facebook is more time in your own life rather than in the life of everyone else's, it makes you realize how much time you were wasting getting to be informed about things that served you in no way to be a better person or to living a better life. Who cares who went to Paris, when you could just go to Paris? Who cares who has two thousand friends when you probably know that they don't know half of them?
I rather have 2 friends that are real and that are there for me, rather than 2 thousand that don't know me or care for me.

But you do the math and think for yourself,
What's the true importance in your life?
Is it letting everyone else think you're happy OR being happy?
Is it showing everyone how pretty you are OR being real?
Is it showing off how much you've got on pictures OR living it?


Your choice.

Uncool?

Why is it that human beings create things and trends just to make life harder on himself?
Look at the things that are "cool" when you're young and end up ruining or determining your entire life:

Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Being lazy, Partying and so many others which in excess result in things like

- you become an addict

- lose precious time

- lose your life

- become pregnant

- make dumb decisions

- mistakes you can't take back

- forgetting who you are

- forgetting the people who matter

- creating a wrong image of yourself

- pushes you away from God

And so many other things... I just ask myself... is it really worth it? 

We happen to make our lives so much more complicated than what they actually are. Life is hard as it is, why do we want to make it so much more difficult? 

Keeping true to yourself is the key to success, the key to enjoying all stages of your life. Being cool for 4 years of high school and throwing the rest away because of it is not something smart to do. 

It sounds so stupid when you actually put it as a question...

"Should I use drugs with my friends so that I am cooler in school and more popular even though this might ruin me and end up destroying my entire life?" 

It sounds stupid because IT IS STUPID. But we have this obsession of trying to fit in when our goal should be standing out. We all say we want to be different but all we care is being part of a group and being loved by the rest. What we don't realize is that in fact, the rest care nothing about us. They just want something to talk about, and doing the craziest things give room for the greatest things to talk about, for the "coolest" stories.

But is it worth it? Are the people who are there with you doing all of those things going to be there when you truly need someone? Are they using you? 

Human beings can be stupid when they want to be, what makes us even more stupid is the fact that half of the time we know the consequences of "being cool" can bring but we decide to ignore all of it and just think that it will never happen to us. Now think again, wake up! None of us have any special powers, we have our own talents and strengths and thats it. Either you do something with that or you don't and its all in you. You are given the choice, and the power to decide over your life...

Are you gonna follow the crowd? 

Or will you just decide that you'll be uncool?

Because being uncool is what makes you different

and what will make the difference in what you will become tomorrow.

I choose to be uncool.
Do you?

World Hold On

Cruel truth.

How many times have we said we would change?

How many times have we promised that we would do something about our lives?

How many times have we not looked beyond ourselves?

How many times have we been selfish and forgotten others?

Why is it so hard for a human being to be able to get the strength within him and do things on his own?

We are cowards and prisoners of our own fears, fears of nothing. Things only seem scary when we have never happened to live them before. But why are we so scared of the future when it is today that counts? We live in a world where we try and leave everything we can do today for tomorrow because we assume there is a tomorrow. That is the human mistake; the mistake of assuming that in fact there will be a tomorrow. We happen to think of ourselves as immortals, and forget that we are fragile and that the health that we possess today might not be the same as we do the next day. We assume that life owes us something when in fact it was here before us; it owes us nothing. So many countless times have we forgotten about the true beauty of life because the shiny and the gold distract us.

Life is much more than just money, and it is much more than just survival. When I look back at my life I don’t want to say that I regret anything since I happen to be the person I am today because of the choices and mistakes of my past. When I look into tomorrow I will be fearless, and to all the new challenges that life might bring to me… I am not scared, bring it on.

You only live once, and we sometimes forget that this life is not eternal. Cherish the people who really matter and forget the distractions that the world presents to you in golden platters and shinny signs. The world’s views are meant to distract you, and take you off your path, don’t fall for it. The partying, the drinking, the drugs, the lights, and so many other things are meant to just bring you out of yourself, these things consume you into darkness and suppress the true meaning that you should be giving to your life.

Life is about balancing the important things in ones life, enjoy every single part of it without losing yourself in the image of others. Its all about knowing who to trust and who to stay away from. These are lessons that take years to be understood and unfortunely cannot be taught.

Life is only one, spend it wisely and don’t ever leave anything that you want to say today unsaid. We are not eternal, you never know if you’ll get another chance. 

Story of sunrise

 Everything seems so dark and so lonely. It all seems hopeless. And somehow light starts to break in the dark. Somehow things start clearing up, and light starts fighting the dark.
A stream of blue light in the sky shows off its colors and it blends with the dark blue and starts making it just clearer and clearer.

The stream of light keeps moving in and blending the dark blue. It makes of it whatever it wants, starts creating a new color. It blends in design, just like a painter blends its colors into new forms. And so the light creates beauty in the sky and calls upon a new beginning and the start of time. The start of movement, that rises from the calm.

And so the dark blue gives in to the light, and the light takes over the sky and suppresses the darkness and brings life to a new day. Awakening the world to a new start and showing off the beauty once again the beauty of a world that for 12 hours was consumed in darkness and blinded our perception.

Once again, the world awakens.
Once again, a new beginning.

Scattered pieces

Why does the bad look so good?

Why is the right so wrong?

Things are distorted in this world. 

I wanted to see,

I wanted to be free,

I just needed to find the key;

The key to seeing beyond what is already there,

I think we can't see because its just too rare,

Not all that shines is gold.

But I realize its because its too much to bare;

To bare with the weight of having seen,

And still being too mean,

But still wanting to look clean;

The answer lies in the crowd,

As they shout about the wrong being right out loud,

Its as if they were proud;

                                                                                      
                                                                                     

But we decide to follow the rest,

and forget about what's best,

Its as if we willingly decided to be oppressed. 

What a cruel world we live in,

One where everything is just a spin,

And one carries who one is in a pin.

As if actions had repercussions,

and we try and figure out why in discussions,

when we initially understood the consequences.

But either way we follow the crowd,

And we hear them scream what's wrong is right very loud,

and we still follow them somehow. 

It is a rather strange world where we live in,

Where things just spin,

can we truly say we're free?

In a world where we have the best examples,

We choose to take the wrong paths just to become a sample, 

and then we get trampled;

And we get trampled we complain,

As if the world were insane,

And we forget we have a brain;

We scream "why does this happen to me!?," 

As if we were more special than thee,

and we forget we're just one more in the house of bees.

We knew what we were getting into,

Because we knew the world had been lying from our own window,

And we knew what would come from below.

And we still expect for the world to fix it, 

A world made just of scattered pieces,

Where things are just meant to make you dizzy.

A light at the end of the tunnel

Sometimes I write as a reflection to my own experiences. As a way of letting my feelings just spill on paper. It makes me feel so much better, since i have a hard time sometimes trusting the people around me with things that bother me or that make me sad. I have been an idiot these past couple of months, its been so crazy. I've been only thinking about people who don't matter and people who don't care about me. My so called "friends" who mostly ended up backstabbing me or spreading rumors about me in school.

Its crazy the amount of things people can come up with just to be the center of attention for two minutes. I have let myself go, and forgot what my true purpose was and who I should be putting all my trust and confidence into. I forgot about God.

Ever since I can remember, I have tried to carry things on my own back without counting on anyone. This has led me to make many mistakes throughout my life, mistakes that I could have avoided if only I stopped and talked to people that really mattered. But I can be so hard headed at times... I look back and in moments where I had no idea what to do, I still managed to keep quiet and that was the worst mistake I could have ever done.

I started partying and relying on people who did not care for me one single bit. My so called "friends" who happened to leave my life as fast as they came in it. Its so sad whenever I think about this, because I managed to actually be there for every single one of them and they never were truly there for me. Nevertheless, I felt like it made me a great person to be there when I was needed but once again forgot about myself.

I was blind. I can't trust anyone but one person besides my family of course... He's been like an angel fallen from heave to me. I've talked about him before in another 2 posts, because he is seriously just so amazing. The fact that he is able to be there no matter what, despite the fact that he is so many miles away from me is just a blessing. He's managed to make me talk and open up; I've been so closed up since I have been hurt so many times before I just can't really thank him enough.

Its like God knew, who to put in my way to help me through everything. I can't thank God enough for making him a part of my life and keeping him there. A real friend, the only real friend that I don't really have to hesitate to think about when I call him a friend. He's just the best.

So, in moments where I don't know what to do I turn to him and I turn to God now. Before doing anything I think to myself what would God think about what I am doing...
Whenever I just need someone to listen, or just hear me up I know my best friend will be there.

God has been so good to me, and I've been so blind... He's given me all the tools to succeed and I've just decided to do the wrong things with them. To ignore him, to just push him out of my life when I needed him the most. I've been trying to be so smart, I have made myself look so stupid! I wanted to take the power over my life, when I am not prepared to do it all by myself.

If there is something that I have learned in the past couple of years is the fact that I don't HAVE to do everything on my own. That it is okay to really ask for help sometimes and I have to thank God once again for finally making me realize this and for giving me such an amazing best friend to be there by my side at all times. To give me such a wonderful family, even though I have also managed to keep quiet from them.

I know what I have to do now, I know that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. If we were designed to live this life and be on our own, there wouldn't be as many people in the world. I am on the road to continue making myself the best I can be, and with God's help I know anything is possible. He's watching over me and I decide to make HIM a part of my life, because he's the road to success. Without him, nothing is really possible and I know that I will be the best I can be as long as I have him in my life and I also know that I will make less mistakes and be able to stand up stronger if I fall.

I bring him into my life because he's the light at the end of my tunnel.